Posted in goals, life, self-actualization

Floating stardust

That feeling of feeling lost or overwhelmed is evident when you decide to not set goals. Maybe you say you have “no goals”, but ultimately everyone has an endgame. There is a destination that we’re all hoping to get to one day, hopefully not by wasted dream but instead by manifested reality.

In all my wildest dreams, I always imagined myself to be doing the things that matter. The things that will make me a “somebody,” as if I am not already. It is as if I have some kind of aim to be famous, but no exact direction to get there. My kind of fame is the sort where I wonder what I am doing wasting my time with no plan, but feel happy regardless. No, not happy in spite of or because of. Simply happy, because I do have what I need.

Anyway, as I’m reflecting on how to get myself out there I know I don’t need to at the same time. I can be content being a nobody to most people, because to the ones that count I am a somebody. Also, according to physics, we are all just bits of stars. 

I’m a star, you’re a star. We’re all stars.

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Posted in personal, writing

write write write

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Photo by Startup Stock Photos on Pexels.com

This is just a new week reminder that you’ve got to keep pushing through. You’ve just got to. Yes, this is the normal new week routine, however, sticking through with a normal schedule will leave you feeling at ease and ready to start your day.

It might be easy advice. Or maybe its easier said than done, I’m not always sure. Either way, you can do one thing every day and no it will not take away from the rest of your day. It might even add to your day and make it more productive. Start your day with writing. Write about anything and write about what you like. It doesn’t need to be your goals for the day or things that need to get done. No, save that stress for right now for like an hour. Write about nothing, be random its ok.

If you’re of the many that are trying to write a novel in a month, then I applaud you and hope you stay with it. I hope you are able to keep writing and striving each day you decide to work on your novel. Maybe it won’t win any prizes and it’s most likely terrible, but keep going. Always keep that momentum going even though it might not make sense now to keep going. In fact, it might make you feel as though you are wasting time to continue on the path you are in your writing. Maybe you want to write, or you are giving up on the novel writing and it’s only the fifth day.

It’s entirely possible that you will do one of three things after reading or skimming through this blog post: Log on and watch some Netflix, read and reply to some emails, or scroll endlessly on your phone on social media. I mean, unless you have actual work to do there are not many options for you. So just, write. Write it all out. There’s nothing to lose and a lot to gain just by writing a few sentences a day.

Or if you’re me, you write a blog post more than you work on that dang novel thing.

Posted in writing

Stop and imagine

It’s amazing to think that we all come from different places. By “we all” I mean writers. I mean the creatives. Yeah, its what helps stir the creative juices. No one can stifle creativity because it exists to make you feel joy and love about your current life. Maybe this is not the case at all, but in case it is you’re doing a fabulous job regardless. Keep doing what you’re doing because it is clearly working for you.

What is something you wish people knew about you? Something that they don’t bother to ask because it would just be rude? How about a new, radical idea? Do something that you are scared of because it will let you explore your fears. Try to let your imagination go here. Write something. Read something unfiltered. Say something unfiltered. Say it on camera. Upload it somewhere if you’re feeling brave.

Let me try that writing one:

She was his first real love. She knew it by the number of texts he sent. He knew it and it hurt him to feel this way. It hurt him to know that he might get injured in the end. Not of a broken heart, but instead a broken ego.

***

It was hard to let feelings get past what they were not. It wasn’t meant to get this far. It was only meant as a harmless friendship. In these later years of life, friendship with the opposite sex is seen as weird and not without doubt.

***

It won’t work, they said. You can’t be a YouTube star without a team behind you. Not in 2018. Not in 2019. But maybe in 2008. Of course, that doesn’t mean you should stop trying to do what makes you happy. Community building goes so far in your overall happiness levels is what you tell yourself, forgetting completely about the haters and trolls.

***

Sticky. Icky. The glue keeps rubbing off. I’ve washed it over and over and over. The moment continues to haunt me. Why does the display case of emotions keep falling over?

***

The dress is too big. It doesn’t fit. She is not sure she even wants it too. It’s ok. She will figure it out later whether she wants this and return it for store credit later. Maybe. Her mind feels hazy as she picks up the phone to call him, knowing he will never show anyway. Because she bought this dress for herself, of course, she did.

***

The sky is orange. It is calm, waiting. The landscape is barren, lonesome. The cliffs run jaggedly in the distance, whispering tales of lost lovers or broken chances. The evenness which runs through the rest of the night opens the door to a bright new day.

***

I’ll keep writing if you keep writing. All of these are fictional. All of you are non-fiction. Write/record/scream/speak your words and see what it does for you. Does it bring you joy or remind you of a past loss? How are you feeling?

So I challenge you to stop and create. To stop what you are doing and write something pointless. To imagine what you could be doing today instead of what you should be doing is a fun thought. It’s not always possible, but it sure is fun to dream.

(Featured image from pexels via WordPress free photos).

Posted in lists, personal, writing

writing is for lovers

So how are the goals this week going? Miserably or mediocre? None of the two, then you’re doing better than me. Well, sometimes we pick ourselves back up by the end of the week so eventually, it all works out somehow.

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gif source

I want to keep on the writing theme. Let me tell you the things I want to write about (maybe on this blog, maybe soon!)

Politics (yeah, I want to do more of this).

Humans (are complicated, but think complexly).

Books are not being able to read all the time.

The power of family.

Go outside.

Create something different today.

Call a friend, phone a friend. It’s your only lifeline here.

Spendthrift millennials.

Abruptly stopping to read a sign.

Sit down, no stand-up, no sit-down, no stand-up.

Stop fighting, just stop.

Words and how they move a person.

What is poetry?

Strive to learn every day.

Learn from mistakes.

Leap with your mind, not just your heart.

You got this, I know you do.

You gave up? That’s weird because I heard that you were awesome.

The science of DFTBA.

Mood therapy.

Smile more- frown way, way less.

Exaggerate happiness, haters gon hate anyway.

Fall in love.

Don’t fall for love.

Love is a plot concocted by the entertainment industry.

Eat food and feel good.

Rest and do it all again.

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gif source 

How you feeling? I started something, so maybe I should finish it? Nah, that’s means I would have to pretend to be writing something of like substance. Which I most certainly am not. Or am I? I have no idea. If you figure it out, let me know.

So this is what happens when you open WordPress randomly with no specific goal in mind? (most days honestly). It’s aight, because I’m feeling pretty happy and lost in my thoughts in this current moment. Maybe it’s a state I’ll get out of. Maybe I’ll just stay here forever. It’s hard to say, but whatever because my mind is open to possibilities of the writing variety.

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gif source by Valeris

Write on my fabulous loves. ❤

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gif source

Posted in goals, lists

The promise to write

Welp. Here we are again in this now familiar state. Me apologizing for the late posts and you returning for more. I claim to love writing, but don’t do it enough because it makes me think and well sometimes I don’t feel like thinking. I get that this is ok, but these days I think there would be nothing better than to write and just let it all out. Just let myself get absorbed in the nothingness of what I am currently.

I could go on and on about how much I need to get back on track. To get back to myself. Because I feel like I am losing who I am. I don’t want to be self-reliant on anyone, but I am afraid my days are turning out that way. I’m turning into someone that is moving away from independence and towards dependence. It has led me to rethink some things. Like, why am I drawn to certain things and not others? Why do I do this now and not do that anymore? Those kinds of thoughts pervade my mind now as I’m writing this. I’m sad about it, but there is a way to break out of the cycle.

That way starts with writing. I make a promise to myself now to not only keep blogging here but start free writing again. What about a novel? Hey, it could happen. Anything is possible. I’m also going to start a vlog channel, but instead of just talking about it I will actually do it. Yeah, I’m just going to go there. I could use this space to write the goals I want to do, in order to hold myself accountable in some way. I might write some of them now, just to give myself that needed the push I need.

  1. Write more
  2. Read (go to the library, read e-books)
  3. Listen to more podcasts (seriously lacking in this department, but used to listen to a lot of these, still so many good ones out there)
  4. Help someone else with their writing, whether through tutoring or teaching
  5. Take more pictures of life around me
  6. Take a photography class
  7. Take an intro. level guitar class
  8. Vlog (or try to)
  9. Sell things that do not give me joy
  10. Plan for a trip somewhere far away
Posted in goals, life, world, writing

Things are happening.

Oh hi there.

It’s been five months since this blog has been updated. That’s way too long. Not really sure how that happened, but yeah there it is. Five months. Whoo, so much has happened.

****

To start with, I am teaching English abroad. I am living in a different country. I am immersed in a local culture that five months prior I really knew nothing about. Life is so crazy. I have made so many new friends and learned so much about life. Things that I took for granted before are greatly missed. I miss people from home, foods and the reminder that I am not alone. Those are the kinds of things that keep me up at night.

I teach kindergarten and grade 2 to children who barely speak English or really none at all. It’s a challenge working to meet them on their level. To try to make them understand me and what I am trying to teach them. At the same time, it’s a joy that is unparalleled to anything else I’ve done. Sometimes I wake up and can’t believe I do what I do. Can’t believe that I take the time to create a lesson, can’t believe that I am teaching in a country so far away from home, can’t believe that I am living and going to work in another country. Some things are similar (Mondays suck no matter what country you’re in) and others are different. If it wasn’t for technology allowing me to talk to family back home, I would be sad all the time honestly. Social media keeps me locked in, but I’ve become more out of tune with the news cycle. I just don’t follow it as regularly as I used to. I’ve stepped out of that political news bubble and it feels very freeing.

I make myself feel stronger by knowing that it doesn’t have to all be about me. It’s about the kids. That’s the job I came to do and it comes first. Of course, it doesn’t take precedence though over a life well-lived. What I mean by that is, I came to teach sure but also to explore and travel and see things. That is what I try to do when I have the chance. To go someplace new, discover a new place and meet new people along the way as well. It’s all relative, but it keeps me grounded knowing that I have come so far already. Knowing that as of late, I am keeping myself fairly healthy with the new foods I have found and consume. I also know that the support system I have in place works because it is strong and built to make me want to keep doing this.

Getting out of bed each day, I tell myself that I’ll do some “organizing” today. It doesn’t always happen. The one thing that I wanted to do in that organizing list was write. Just write. Nothing fancy, no planning. No order. In a place that is bright, perhaps in a nearby park that I enjoy going to. It’s important to find solace in the things that give us joy when we are feeling alone and know that no one else can understand us. I can’t make friends easily, but I am working on it. I could have gone out today, explored or walked. I did not. Instead, I let myself breathe into the temptation to do nothing. To just relax. I do this often though (mostly because teaching a class of 42 is hard and grueling work) and I want to do more. To see more. But, I also know its ok to not want to. It’s ok to want to push yourself to try though.

 

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a hot and popular dish where I am (if you know what it is comment below).

 

I tried. I succeeded. It’s a process and it’s still going strong.

Posted in writing

On the word “trajectory”

As the title of this blog would assume, I am a writer. I am also trying to figure out what to do with my life. This blog helps me vent. It helps me focus on other things, like giving helpful advice or making arbitrary lists. No rhyme or reason to any of the posts, but I try to have a theme for each if possible.

The dictionary definition of trajectory is the curve or projectile, like a rocket in flight. In Geometry, this refers to a curve or surface that cuts all the curves or surfaces of a given system at a current angle. It’s possible that I look up the definition for trajectory often and just stare at it on google. Either way, you can see that it refers to an upward moving climb. Something that is going up, reaching higher and thrusting itself into launch. Like a launchpad, but already lifted off. Into the great unknown. The statistics would assume that I have it all planned out if this is the title, because trajectory refers to things that go up right? But, quite the contrary. Maybe it sounds exciting because it means hopeful in your mind, but in my mind it is also in the title as a way to mean the exact opposite.

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This is a trajectory of the Gemini rocket. source

This blog doesn’t always make sense. I strive for nonsense on the daily in fact. But, at its core, it is still a place where I write the things that I hold dear. Some of those things don’t matter in the long run or the grand scheme of things, but I really like to get the ball rollin’ and live in the present moment (Yay idioms!). Regardless, the way I see myself now will probably be different than how I see myself five years from now. When I began this blog four years ago, I can certainly say that I picked the title at random to muse about my writing and whatever came to mind.

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bamf.

I advise people who do use the word trajectory to know why they’re using it. Do you know it means the curve described by a projectile or rocket in flight? Isn’t that cool information to know? Yes, definitely is some Jeopardy level knowledge there. Which is to say its general knowledge that you should already know. (Not assuming that you know everything on Jeopardy though, that would be premature but anything is possible on that game show). So think up. Think to rise above. Go around the curve, sweep through it. Find a path removed from gravity with which to give rise to your talents. That word to describe what you find can be as simple as “path”. It can be as easy as knowing that you are moving up, not down in what you do.

The trajectory of my life continues to ascend and force me to reach for the stars, in a metaphorical way of course.