Shout outs to the unheard

In the days and weeks ahead, I hope to be bright with new goals. New aspirations and highlights of what I am proud of. I should be able to deal with all kind of people and know how to start all kinds of new conversations that previously might have been difficult to start. I will not have all the answers, but I will have some of the clues to get me there.

Thanks to all the people that led me to where I am today. I don’t know how to thank those people enough. They know who they are and they won’t be going away anytime soon and for that I am so grateful.

Sometimes we take for granted the people in our lives that make us who we are. That make us love ourselves more. The people that feed into growing our self-esteem. This post is a thank you note to the hearts and souls that make up the lifeblood of support that surrounds me.

Having grounded and great support is something that I don’t seek out, but finds me regardless. I am hopeful that I will be able to continue building bridges and crossing them. Making myself feel hopeful is a start to something powerful that I am continuing to work on building.

Thank you for reading this far. The fact that you have means that you might even support someone you don’t even know. Thanks, I support and hope you succeed as well.

Floating stardust

That feeling of feeling lost or overwhelmed is evident when you decide to not set goals. Maybe you say you have “no goals”, but ultimately everyone has an endgame. There is a destination that we’re all hoping to get to one day, hopefully not by wasted dream but instead by manifested reality.

In all my wildest dreams, I always imagined myself to be doing the things that matter. The things that will make me a “somebody,” as if I am not already. It is as if I have some kind of aim to be famous, but no exact direction to get there. My kind of fame is the sort where I wonder what I am doing wasting my time with no plan, but feel happy regardless. No, not happy in spite of or because of. Simply happy, because I do have what I need.

Anyway, as I’m reflecting on how to get myself out there I know I don’t need to at the same time. I can be content being a nobody to most people, because to the ones that count I am a somebody. Also, according to physics, we are all just bits of stars. 

I’m a star, you’re a star. We’re all stars.

The one on loving yourself

Books and movies, makeup and gum. These are the the small things that make up the smaller portions that eventually add up to the larger part of my life. A life that is filled with goodness and good people. A livelihood that makes me realize how good I have it everyday. I have it so good I don’t even know where to begin.

But, I know I am loved. And I know that others are not. And I know I can’t do anything about that, but hope for the best. But that’s never enough. I can pray and give solace to those grieving on shattered losses. To a life that was well-spent far too early and a life that ended before anyone had the chance to say “thank-you” for existing. Because we forget to say it. We forget to think it. We forget to remind ourselves that we’re worth all that we say we are. And so so much more.

You might be reading this in a cramped little apartment or on the streets. In a car or on your phone. What you need to remember right now in this very moment is that you have the power to determine the course of your life. That you have the power to know whether the choice you make to get up today will impact the rest of your week in a good or bad way. And you ultimately decide what and whom to love. You don’t have to love everybody. Maybe your mother told you once that it’s important to treat all with respect and it probably is solid advice, but sorry mama we’re gonna have to turn our back on those that shut us out repeatedly. Kindness burns in our hearts, but that doesn’t mean that everyone burns that same kindness right back at us.

Love some. Dislike others. Hate no one. Desist fighting and resolve to be peaceful.

You can’t win all the wars and you can’t win all the fights, but you can be the person that knows your own worth matters more because you matter.

Cyclical thoughts

I’m falling.

I wake up and I’m fine, but my head hurts now so I toss and turn until I realize that it’s pointless to find the source of the real dream. That was just in my head. That was just in my mind a second ago but is vanished now.

It’s the realization that I’m almost out of the twenties and haven’t done any of the cool things that twenty-somethings are supposed to do. Like those list articles say. No wait, I’ll make it happen though. Just you wait. I’ll travel, there’s still time. I’m not looking to be a mid-life divorcee traveling around the world to find herself. I haven’t found myself now. The quarter-century crisis, it seems continues as one ages. Bitterly destroying happy prospects of a rich life with negative energy.

Then I read, then I write. Then I stretch, then I think. Then I teach, then I write. Then I wonder what next. What next is the beginning to a series of questions called my life. I try to tell myself I should have taken that job or stayed there or done more, but I keep on and keep my head low knowing it doesn’t matter. I’m too restless, I want to leave someplace but at the same time comfort sinks me down like a deeply rooted anchor. What I have and love to have I can’t let go. This is the realization as I walk down the street, as I drive down the highway, and as I make up my mind about whether or not to move to another country.

I regroup, I resend the email. I delete the junk mail. I rethink about my choice thus far. I have had many opportunities, but did not seize them all. There are regrets of things I should have done and few for things I should not have said. There are moments of inner solitude filled with lowly tears and happy laughter, but its just me avoiding what moments to play out on repeat again and again.

This way, I think. This way, this road will lead me to a better life. It will give me answers. Everyone says that no one has the answers. But although Google has almost all the answers, it does not have the answers I need to hear. The ones that remind that I can do it if I just don’t think do much. Stop thinking so much. Stop thinking so much.

But then I know. I can’t do such a thing. I can never stop thinking at all. To do so would mean that I have stopped living.

So then I close my eyes and I’m falling…


(cover image by wonderferret on Flickr, Creative Commons license).

Haphazard thinking

It seems I will do everything I can to avoid writing a blog post. It can be so banal sometimes. This is just a view that I have but it doesn’t mean that I hate writing which if you read this blog, I’m sure you’re already aware of.

gif source

But I have realized that being organized on paper is nothing if you are not organized in your head. I have so many things I want to do, but it seems not enough time in the day to do them. It frustrates me, because I realize that I’m probably doing what I want to do most and avoiding what is tedious or takes too long to do. It’s true and its a fact that I’m coming to grips with as I write this. It’s not the fault of my own or anyone else’s but rather that of the mind.

It possible that doing more than 7 things on your to-do list for a day can overwhelm even the most organized people. Because you want to write, read, clean, organize paperwork, sell books, and run errands that need to be done, not to mention get groceries. If you’re good on time management, you just might do this all in one day. But, honestly don’t feel bad if it’s almost 9 PM and you didn’t get to clean your washroom today. You probably should have cleaned it, but the later it gets for more tedious tasks the more you want to do something relaxing. For the majority of us anyway (Pokemon Go has made us all want to get up and be walking around late into the night). It’s easy to think that we can do the hard things, but if we can’t we need to remind ourselves that we are only human. And its ok to just stop. To let ourselves breathe for a minute or two.

So, I’m writing this late at night knowing that it’s ok to not have it all done right now. It’s perfectly ok (though I will say that I felt super productive today and got a lot done so yay).

If you’re feeling like you’re a mess right now and don’t know how to get your mind organized, then close your eyes and let yourself fall asleep.

I hope you wake up feeling like you can live the life you want without sadness.

What’s your true self?

Stay hip, stay cool and all of that. But, you can’t forget to stay true to yourself. I say this because in a time when you can hide behind a screen, you can become anyone you want when you’re online. You might be lying to yourself and telling the truth to everyone else as you like to think of it, but inside you know you won’t find what it is you’re really looking for if you’re not honest with yourself.

I feel like this might require context but I’m not going to give any and instead point you to this music video series thing. I assume that as a sensible person you want to be happy and want to find real happiness, but as a careless human you sometimes forget that you matter. It’s an honest mistake and one that I’m writing and thinking to myself at this very moment. See? It eats at your very core because you are scared of YOU. It’s seems simple, but there are moments when we don’t even understand ourselves.

My mom likes to say that her favorite people are “me, myself and I.” I would argue the same. The me part wants to do the fun things and hold onto things while it is myself that realizes I am doing this and no one else (not always) and I know this but it’s bad to say aloud because people think its weird that you don’t even understand yourself. Well, not here on this blog and not in the communities of writers, bloggers, and creatives that encourage me to be my weirdest at all times because that is the most ordinary.

If you don’t know yourself in the present moment, then think about what people know about you. Is it real? Is it the truest form of you? The version of you that lifts you highest is the one that you will stay with the longest because it is right in every way.

Whatever you’re feeling, stay weird. Stay real.

cover image source

Inner thoughts

There are those deep thoughts that get into our heads sometimes that we like to mull over. Then we might realize we need to be doing something else and forget about that deep thought. In the process, we find ourselves wasting time on Facebook and creeping on people and watching pointless shared videos and clicking things. Isn’t it kind of fun. No, it is not. It is a waste of time and it could lead to discovering that an enemy might have their life more figured out than you thought.

Yes, I might be describing a current situation or emotion. But, this isn’t about that. It’s going back to those thoughts. Wondering why we even think some of them. For example, “Why do I need a masters degree?” “Should I apply for that job?” “Should I move to another country?” “Should I buy more kale?” “Should I read that book finally or do it tomorrow?” All these things that pop into my head. Writing this is a distractor too but one that is constructive to me.

Here are a few of the types of thoughts that get into our head on an almost daily basis (for some people):

Organizing thoughts (“I need to make a new grocery list,” “I need to organize my room!”)

Book thoughts (“omg that book was so sad, can’t believe everyone died but then again it was a book about WWII.”)

Food thoughts (self-explanatory).

Mom thoughts (“I need to call my mom.”)

Summer thoughts (“Target said its basically summer so I need a new swimsuit even though I live nowhere near the ocean and probably won’t really go at all this summer.”)

Skincare thoughts (maybe a girl thing?)

Makeup thoughts (“I need new foundation, concealer, and eyeliner. But not really eyeliner but maybe because cute reasons.”)

Sibling thoughts (“My sisters are weird.” An everyday thought.)

Music thoughts (“I need to listen to that new Drake album, even though I don’t love Drake.”

Traffic thoughts (“I should probably leave early for work, there is also construction. And traffic and stuff.”)

Children thoughts (“oh hey those kids are cute, but glad they’re not mine.”)

Shopping thoughts (“Let me just open up five tabs and get a smoothie.”)

Yoga thoughts (“I need to do a handstand, handstand, and maybe the splits before I cannot.”)

TV thoughts (“I have a lot of shows to catch up on. But, too much sitting is not good so I’ll just catch up another day.”

Tea thoughts (“There’s so many flavors of green tea!”)

Phone thoughts (“You’re making me waste time sometimes, but I still love you. Do you love me?”)


I hope you do not think this as weird or whatever but if not, it made you smile a little and my goal has been reached.