To Activate or Cultivate You

Three words to live by:

  1. Redeem
  2. Try
  3. Grow

That was at the top of my head, however I am quite sure there are millions of words to follow those five words. I’m not sure what I’m getting at here, but I know that I’m trying to appease some emotion. Maybe its something you feel or act upon, but most likely its something you don’t know how to cultivate or fully activate.

There are children blissfully unaware of how severe the world has become. That’s not leading into anything, that’s just a sentence that is non-fictional in nature. I write these things to challenge myself to write, but also to push myself to write because it might be the only way that I actually do so. I also want to make myself feel encouraged. For me, writing does a good job of that but it’s unexplainable why.

Sometimes things designed to push you can be a chore. Can be one of the things that you find yourself hating to do each time you do it. Then it’s not encouraging any longer, but rather a waste of energy. Do what makes you happy in the moment. If that means, watching that Netflix show you should definitely not be watching right now then do it.

My life has been constantly changing since I did a wild thing three years ago. I can’t stay anywhere for too long, but at the same time my mind just wants to settle. I don’t know what I mean by settle, but hopefully it means finding peace with my mind and accepting that the growth and change within myself will never stop evolving.

So yeah, keep your growth mindset happy by seeking out what drives you to a contented place. Wherever that may be. I hope that you are able to find peace. I hope so, too.

Working on the Words

“Happiness is a journey not a destination.” –so goes my favourite quote.

Other memorable quotes:

“Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.”

“Do unto others as you would do to yourself.”

(Disclaimer: none of the above are my own words yet are well known quotes).

In times of difficulty, it’s common to turn to words that give us solace or faith to continue. For me, its the knowledge that I am pushing towards something bigger than myself which has the possibility to be something more.

Ok, besides me writing some words that I don’t attribute on some blog I am working harder on my faith and beliefs. I think now more than ever is an excellent time to think about what we believe in–or what we don’t. I don’t get everything I want done in a day, but I rest assured that it will all turn out ok regardless. Whatever it is, I am unclear on still, yet I am hopeful that it will be something that gives me the hope to find more amazing quotes.

So I’ll keep this short and sweet and a reminder that the words in your mind, well they matter. Don’t stamp them out, especially if they’re trying to tell you something. Hope you figure it out soon.

The memories driving your mind’s car

It’s human nature to want to relive the past, to think about the why behind things that are occurring now. It would seem that thinking back on what was is loads easier than thinking about the present.

When I think back on my life, I am grateful for the experiences I have had that have made me who I am today. I might have some regrets but they’re not things meant to be dwelled on. There are things I hold deep in my heart and mind that that I have not told anyone else (and no, this isn’t the place where I’m going to share all my deep thoughts).

I think memory is a powerful driving force. We don’t realize its usefulness, talent, or life we breathe into it daily when suddenly we wake up and feel that we are losing some of the hard ones. Or maybe not all though since humans retain the strong emotions, (I’m not going to cite anything here, but I’m saying this based on my own human self) and lose the knowledge of doing basic tasks and functions. The things that cause diseases of the mind. Quite possibly, the very worst in diseases is that which destroys your mind and spirit.

So I remember what I am. Who I am rather because I am constantly in need of new experiences. I can never stay in places for long. The job I have now may be terrible but is the longest one I have ever stayed at. Even in those dark moments, I’m going to close my eyes and tell myself that I am powerful. That my mind alone can get me through the darkest of days. And even if it can’t, then I think back on how I have grown and what I have learned about life thus far. In so many ways I have grown immensely and in so many ways I have so much to learn as well.

Never forget where you came from and what matters to you the most.

In the empty space

In times of despair, there are those that will get up and do something while there are many that wonder and wait for what will occur next. There’s some that fall in-between as well, those that yearn for a good middle ground.

I’m existing in the empty space between middle and end. My story is just getting started but sometimes it feels as though I am running out of time and need to race against time. There is no race, but it seems as though there is most days. Seems as though floating along is worse than knowing exactly where you are supposed to be at the right moment in time. The worst feeling is to be not useful or an even greater offense, so useful. In either direction, a person can feel a waste of energy.

The strain of trying to be something or be nothing at all feels like it should have meaning but it really doesn’t. It’s hopeless to assume that things will work out when it is evident they will not and you are made abundantly clear of these facts. So keep going is the only way forward. The only way out or down or around.

There might still be a space left in the in-between for those still waiting for clarity. For answers that will never come. For the sign that is lost somewhere at sea. For the person still trying to come out of yourself.

cover image source

Shout outs to the unheard

In the days and weeks ahead, I hope to be bright with new goals. New aspirations and highlights of what I am proud of. I should be able to deal with all kind of people and know how to start all kinds of new conversations that previously might have been difficult to start. I will not have all the answers, but I will have some of the clues to get me there.

Thanks to all the people that led me to where I am today. I don’t know how to thank those people enough. They know who they are and they won’t be going away anytime soon and for that I am so grateful.

Sometimes we take for granted the people in our lives that make us who we are. That make us love ourselves more. The people that feed into growing our self-esteem. This post is a thank you note to the hearts and souls that make up the lifeblood of support that surrounds me.

Having grounded and great support is something that I don’t seek out, but finds me regardless. I am hopeful that I will be able to continue building bridges and crossing them. Making myself feel hopeful is a start to something powerful that I am continuing to work on building.

Thank you for reading this far. The fact that you have means that you might even support someone you don’t even know. Thanks, I support and hope you succeed as well.

I really don’t know everything

My life has changed dramatically in the past three months alone. I went from not being able to speak in front of a large group of people to doing it on the regular (still can’t really do it well though). I went from growing my self-confidence to doubting it all at the same time. I learned so much and worked to apply all that I learned in sessions, however I faltered when it came to real-world scenarios. I was drifting someplace. To where I did not know and when I would stop I also did not know.

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I’d like to say that I am on my way to figuring it out somewhat, but it is still taking me time to understand what I want from myself in order to be the most successful version of myself that I can be. Setting goals and prioritizing those goals is a work in progress. I haven’t lost sight of what I want the ultimate goal to be, however I fear that I am still an outsider in a world I do not understand. That the invisible wall surrounding this dream will break at any moment and all of it will come crashing down. However, another day comes and I know that I have not failed yet. I have instead found a way to embrace the failure and let myself not be dictated by what I should be doing vs. what I could be doing. It’s all relative anyway.

The title of this post reflects the feeling of being overwhelmed that overtakes me every day now. I am working on building myself up, but can’t seem to grow out of the fear that I will fail and fail miserably. But, it’s ok because I can’t expect to succeed quickly. I can’t expect to win at everything. I can expect that I will get better and try harder to learn more everyday. It’s the best I can hope for at this point.

Do what you love

What it means to do that is not always an easy road. Sometimes you have to give up the things that you enjoy in order to begin doing the things that you know will lead to great joy . Maybe this means you need to give up on a great job in favor of an amazing opportunity. In a time when doors are slowly opening for you, will you close the door or open it?

Photo by Rahul on Pexels.com

Since we’re talking about me here, I’ll open the door. Not without a little pondering first though. A little thinking on my part that is what I’m doing even worth my time? It’s one of those killer thoughts, that keeps you up at night staring at the ceiling and around your room, squinting in the dark at various things in your room. So, do I take the leap of faith or pretend that it will be fine if I do not?

The worst that can happen is that I will fail and fail miserably. This is not a hypothesis, its a fact. The greatest that can happen is that I will just barely succeed, because uncertainty is the brink of all meltdowns. Someone might be on the brink of one soon, if they don’t figure out how to help everyone at the same time.

Isn’t that what all the good people want? To help everyone? Well, help most people anyway (we can’t help them all; a fact that must be acknowledged). I want to help those that feel like they need help but don’t know how to ask for it. I want to give others the push they didn’t know they needed, because it will also give me that push.

Since I am still giving myself that push to push others, I will make myself do the hard things. The hard things are hard for a reason. In times of difficulty, I’ll work hard to stay strong.

I’ll work hard to make sure I am still doing what makes me happy and what I truly love.

Reassuring words

If there’s one thing I know it’s that a great support system will take you far. I know that not all people might have actual people like this in their lives, but an online group of like-minded people or at least approachable and encouraging folks could be found as well.

No one really knows what they’re looking for. Seeking and seeking all the time is what endless amounts of writers claim to do. Maybe this one too, however this writer is conscious of the end goal. To be truly honest and raw with oneself is a trait that more people might be opening towards, however it is still difficult to practice the words “look at yourself in the mirror and tell me who you see.” Often what is seen is not the person that wants to be standing there. It’s a hard truth to come to terms with, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

You are great. You are already well on your way to achieving your goals, even if you don’t think so. Instead of writing them down, do some of them. Try to do the things that make you stop and think more often than not. Reflection is powerful force. All the tools you could ever need are inside your head and your heart.

Probably

Life is uneventful, until it is. When it appears that you are “busy” and engaged, then you forget to take time for yourself. Forget about the small things like reading a great book. Forget about how lost you are.

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It’s probably in times of great heartache that we feel the need to collapse. To regain footing as it were. However, one can be sure of what they want when faced with two decisions: Do something or do nothing. For most people, the decision falls into the latter. Perhaps it’s the reminder of not having to stress about things in the past. What’s happened has happened. There is no getting around this fact.

It’s probably a great sacrifice to dedicate time to oneself. It’s a stretch to imagine that others around one would be interested in taking part in this clean mind activity as well. Because it is a cleaning of the mind that can have effective results. What are those results? Probably different depending on who is asked.

It’s probably a great time to take five. Take a break. Sleep, meditate, and walk. It’s not as though others will be joining in at this part. Hard work is usually a solo affair and the moments following this need to be solo as well.

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Take time for yourself. Take time to breathe and know you are doing just fine.

Floating stardust

That feeling of feeling lost or overwhelmed is evident when you decide to not set goals. Maybe you say you have “no goals”, but ultimately everyone has an endgame. There is a destination that we’re all hoping to get to one day, hopefully not by wasted dream but instead by manifested reality.

In all my wildest dreams, I always imagined myself to be doing the things that matter. The things that will make me a “somebody,” as if I am not already. It is as if I have some kind of aim to be famous, but no exact direction to get there. My kind of fame is the sort where I wonder what I am doing wasting my time with no plan, but feel happy regardless. No, not happy in spite of or because of. Simply happy, because I do have what I need.

Anyway, as I’m reflecting on how to get myself out there I know I don’t need to at the same time. I can be content being a nobody to most people, because to the ones that count I am a somebody. Also, according to physics, we are all just bits of stars. 

I’m a star, you’re a star. We’re all stars.