My life has changed dramatically in the past three months alone. I went from not being able to speak in front of a large group of people to doing it on the regular (still can’t really do it well though). I went from growing my self-confidence to doubting it all at same time. I learned so much and worked to apply all that I learned in sessions, however I faltered when it came to real-world scenarios. I was drifting someplace. To where I did not know and when I would stop I also did not know.
I’d like to say that I am on my way to figuring it out somewhat, but it is still taking me time to understand what I want from myself in order to be the most successful version of myself that I can be. Setting goals and prioritizing those goals is a work in progress. I haven’t lost sight of what I want the ultimate goal to be, however I fear that I am still an outsider in a world I do not understand. That the invisible wall surrounding this dream will break at any moment and all of it will come crashing down. However, another day comes and I know that I have not failed yet. I have instead found a way to embrace the failure and let myself not be dictated by what I should be doing vs. what I could be doing. It’s all relative anyway.
The title of this post reflects the feeling of being overwhelmed that overtakes me every day now. I am working on building myself up, but can’t seem to grow out of the fear that I will fail and fail miserably. But, it’s ok because I can’t expect to succeed quickly. I can’t expect to win at everything. I can expect that I will get better and try harder to learn more everyday. It’s the best I can hope for at this point.
What it means to do that is not always an easy road. Sometimes you have to give up the things that you enjoy in order to begin doing the things that you know will lead to great joy . Maybe this means you need to give up on a great job in favor of an amazing opportunity. In a time when doors are slowly opening for you, will you close the door or open it?
Since we’re talking about me here, I’ll open the door. Not without a little pondering first though. A little thinking on my part that is what I’m doing even worth my time? It’s one of those killer thoughts, that keeps you up at night staring at the ceiling and around your room, squinting in the dark at various things in your room. So, do I take the leap of faith or pretend that it will be fine if I do not?
The worst that can happen is that I will fail and fail miserably. This is not a hypothesis, its a fact. The greatest that can happen is that I will just barely succeed, because uncertainty is the brink of all meltdowns. Someone might be on the brink of one soon, if they don’t figure out how to help everyone at the same time.
Isn’t that what all the good people want? To help everyone? Well, help most people anyway (we can’t help them all; a fact that must be acknowledged). I want to help those that feel like they need help but don’t know how to ask for it. I want to give others the push they didn’t know they needed, because it will also give me that push.
Since I am still giving myself that push to push others, I will make myself do the hard things. The hard things are hard for a reason. In times of difficulty, I’ll work hard to stay strong.
I’ll work hard to make sure I am still doing what makes me happy and what I truly love.
If there’s one thing I know it’s that a great support system will take you far. I know that not all people might have actual people like this in their lives, but an online group of like-minded people or at least approachable and encouraging folks could be found as well.
No one really knows what they’re looking for. Seeking and seeking all the time is what endless amounts of writers claim to do. Maybe this one too, however this writer is conscious of the end goal. To be truly honest and raw with oneself is a trait that more people might be opening towards, however it is still difficult to practice the words “look at yourself in the mirror and tell me who you see.” Often what is seen is not the person that wants to be standing there. It’s a hard truth to come to terms with, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
You are great. You are already well on your way to achieving your goals, even if you don’t think so. Instead of writing them down, do some of them. Try to do the things that make you stop and think more often than not. Reflection is powerful force. All the tools you could ever need are inside your head and your heart.
Life is uneventful, until it is. When it appears that you are “busy” and engaged, then you forget to take time for yourself. Forget about the small things like reading a great book. Forget about how lost you are.
It’s probably in times of great heartache that we feel the need to collapse. To regain footing as it were. However, one can be sure of what they want when faced with two decisions: Do something or do nothing. For most people, the decision falls into the latter. Perhaps it’s the reminder of not having to stress about things in the past. What’s happened has happened. There is no getting around this fact.
It’s probably a great sacrifice to dedicate time to oneself. It’s a stretch to imagine that others around one would be interested in taking part in this clean mind activity as well. Because it is a cleaning of the mind that can have effective results. What are those results? Probably different depending on who is asked.
It’s probably a great time to take five. Take a break. Sleep, meditate, and walk. It’s not as though others will be joining in at this part. Hard work is usually a solo affair and the moments following this need to be solo as well.
Take time for yourself. Take time to breathe and know you are doing just fine.
That feeling of feeling lost or overwhelmed is evident when you decide to not set goals. Maybe you say you have “no goals”, but ultimately everyone has an endgame. There is a destination that we’re all hoping to get to one day, hopefully not by wasted dream but instead by manifested reality.
In all my wildest dreams, I always imagined myself to be doing the things that matter. The things that will make me a “somebody,” as if I am not already. It is as if I have some kind of aim to be famous, but no exact direction to get there. My kind of fame is the sort where I wonder what I am doing wasting my time with no plan, but feel happy regardless. No, not happy in spite of or because of. Simply happy, because I do have what I need.
Anyway, as I’m reflecting on how to get myself out there I know I don’t need to at the same time. I can be content being a nobody to most people, because to the ones that count I am a somebody. Also, according to physics, we are all just bits of stars.
People are not always human. Humans are not always people.
We like to define and categorize each other into cute little boxes. It’s stimulating to have a name for something, a blueprint to our illnesses that we can mindmap. Whether this works out or not is mostly up to us, but also the world and whether it accepts who we choose to be.
If you are struggling to find the reasons to be happy, I want you to try these five things: