I don’t think its likely that you have any bad qualities. It might be that you have some of the things that people warn you about to avoid while also having “tendencies.”
Those tendencies are what lead us to different ways of thinking, or imagining what we could be if we didn’t try so hard to fail. It’s possible that you have ignored all advice and failed anyway. There is a bright light in there somehow that reminds you that you are doing the best you can in the current circumstances. It’s all fine and good until the luck starts to change for you and second-guessing everything becomes your nature.
This isn’t meant to be dreary or look down on anyone. It’s just a reminder that you are still working hard every day to do and be well because you are scared of a terrible outcome. Don’t worry, most of us are. It will come with time that you realize that the only thing holding you back is yourself. You might tend to favor the more comfortable over the more arduous and the more mundane over the spontaneous. You tell yourself that “no, not me. I’m different” but the truth is that it’s hard to change what is so every day. It’s hard to become a different version of yourself.
You really shouldn’t have to change yourself, unless you feel it would lead you somewhere amazing. Even then, never change a thing about your character, your personality, and yes even your personal tendencies. Those small things make you who you are and continue to push you every day (your ticks will push you every day to do whatever it is you need to do/or not do).
I feel like talking about food. This is a weird thing to want to do, especially considering but alas. I run out of blog ideas rather quickly, but I love to write and the need to keep this thing updated nags at me. It’s not a chore to blog, though but more of a thing that I gotta do. Like, talking to an old friend. That doesn’t talk back. Which is fine really, since most people don’t text me back anyway. So to the internets, I go!
When it comes to food, there are types of food I like. There are types I do not like. Then there are foods that make me wonder why I bothered to eat them. Is water food? No, but it is when it’s weirdly flavoured (yes, I know not really but stop ruining my post ok). So, food is good when it’s clean, which translates to organic or raw. If it has that handy USDA certified or the GMO project label then it’s all good. The fruits are good. They all have different things they do for your body. The same dealio with vegetables. Then we like to eat carbs and not carbs. But, some carbs are good and some are bad? Yes, this is correct. We eat Italian, Mexican, Thai, Indian, and noodles. And rice. Then, mac and cheese. There is no particular order to anything, it’s just food and it just goes in your mouth. But, wait you should know where it comes from! Yeah, be an enlightened food eater. That’s called being a foodie, you know. Or something like that.
There are good kinds, there are terrible kinds. There is country, rock, pop, popcorn, cheese, robots, robots yelling over a lawnmower, robots doing this in a dance club, Flo-Rida, bouncy balls, screaming cats, and soft bells. It’s all music. There is music for Christmas. No not really for other holidays, only Christmas. Research on why is still pending but probably relates to something called holidays and tradition. Like anything else, you either like something or you don’t. Most of us like at least some of that thing called music. We also want everyone to know about our disliked music for some reason also. So music. It’s everywhere. It’s in your ears. In your mind and a part of your everyday.
All kinds. All genres. Anyone anywhere can pick up a book in any language and just start reading. Lose yourself quite easily within the pages of a book. So many pages to lose yourself (please pick a good book of fair length). In the age of ebooks, audiobooks, and the no-actual reading generation books still exist. They have always been there and will always be there. You can always count on books, just go into some independent bookstore somewhere and walk around. Books are a different kind of magic that some people will feel but only true book-lovers will understand and cherish. I hope that all people feel this at some point in their life (I’ll always feel this way about books, btw). Don’t just read books, love them too.
So if you want to be random, just go ahead and be random. No one is going to tell you that being random is wrong. Because it is not. It is fine as long as you know when to stop the absurdity. Actually, you know what just continue on. Just continue breezing along, my friend. Have a great day.
They say you’ve reached the main location of promise. Of discovery. Of eternal bliss. It’s the place between forgiveness and dissent. No country is really there yet but we can hope to get there sometime soon. We can dream that we have achieved greatness by ignoring the needs of the most responsible or upright citizens. Who is to say that anyone has ignored anyone. Suffice to say, it’s not a “war.” It’s a battle, if it was a real war there would be more ships cruising along in the clouds with blood splattering everywhere feeling all revolutionary. Oh wait. Guess that already happened, we’re just waiting for the last moments of sanity to come crashing down.
I think that in the current year, 2018, it is a good time to be raw. Let’s get honest about what we as a society expect. We can’t fully appreciate what we have and the opportunities we have if we always take them for granted. What is real equality and have we reached it? Are women equal? Are people equal?
The answer to all these things is a firm no. There might not be any balance to be found there either. If there is then it will be found at a later time. At a time when we are are living our last moments on Earth is when we stop caring because we know that it doesn’t matter what efforts we made, what matters is how the next group tries to fix the problems. We try to raise up a generation that will care about the environment, social causes, human rights, and equality. However, we also want children to have a mind to think for themselves. To be able to know what they want, but also be smart enough to know the difference between right and wrong. The things that are right are seldom made as an example to do again, while we stress the wrongs even as they continue to occur. For example: It’s wrong to punch or hit so it is “wrong.” What about helping a stranger or donating money to a local charity? Those are the “right” that we don’t talk about unless it’s in one of those “people on the street” videos that many seem to love doing.
Anyway, on this day remember what you have. Remember what others do not have. Always be grateful. What can you do more of? You can be the change you want to see, by giving back your time. You can start a chain reaction by simply creating connections with people who are not like you or those your social circle does not associate with. Step outside your comfort zone and realize that people, regardless of skin color, age, gender, ethnicity, background, or social status are all just people.
“How about this weather?” seems lame but in this case try it and see where it takes you. I hope you have many scintillating conversations with all kinds of people this year.
Tragedy is one of those things in which you forget to live. Forget your reason for living. Maybe you know that “life must go on” but you can’t imagine possibly doing that. How could you when you’ve lost practically everything of worth?
On that note, no one expects anyone to grieve in great celebration. Because obviously, this is not a time to celebrate anything. It’s a time to reflect, sure, but the sadness that is coated in that reflection can leave one feeling pretty bleak. It’s probably why so many force themselves to “celebrate life.” Because the truth is that we cannot ignore that we are alive. Life should be celebrated no matter who or what is in question. No matter their deeds. No matter what. Celebrate the moments, even if they were brief to let yourself know that you are alright. To feel something. An emotion that releases great power within you will be the light that shines the brightest for you.
So as you think about the things you lost, also think about the things you have not. The things that are leading you to the happy moments right now. You are happy. You are content at the very least. You are not going to let small fears define you. It doesn’t have to be so easy to make you feel as though you are not worth anything. You are worth more than all the terrible things that could possibly occur to you. Because bad things don’t always define a person. Circumstance might, but sometimes that knocks the wind a bit too. What do you have left? You have hope. Hold onto that hope because you can’t let it down.
It might be hard to cope. It might be hard to even think of the word cope on the spot. Forget about a eulogy, you need to breathe. Everyone needs solace in a time of great fear. In a time when everything and everyone seems uncertain, you seek refuge in the familiar. When the winds continue to blow in the wrong direction, you start to wonder why you even cared that they blew in that direction. Maybe your house fell apart. Maybe your store is flooded. Maybe your school is closed and maybe you are having a meltdown and tore whatever you have left apart. You are screaming. You are sitting on the floor now. Your hands are on your knees and you weep. For those you have lost. For the things you could not save. For the years and time you will never get back. You cry because you failed. You hold onto the bed behind you and feel its stench. It’s all too much. It smells like failure, too. Then, you stay on the floor for a long time. You don’t come out of the room because going out would mean facing a sad reality no one should have to endure. Your heart breaks just thinking about walking past the door. More hours pass. You finally have to get up to relieve yourself. You realize things cannot be healed without time. You call a loved one. You feel grateful. You call a friend, you make a plan to help out. Your community needs you. You need them. Work with those around you to help cope, to help rebuild.
Life has to go on, but healing will always have slow moving steps to the finish line. The finish line being wherever you want it to be, as long as it brings a future of happy moments and less hate on yourself.
I’m currently wondering what happened to human decency.
Is it still there? I’m trying to find it but struggling. People say that know what it takes to be a good person but very seldom are people actually being a good person. It’s a messed up world we live in and its not getting any better.
It might take a lot to restore your faith in humanity. Or it could only take pictures of cute pandas. Either way, you are a world citizen. You are permeating the idea that humanity is hopeless by not spreading the faith. Spreading the idea that hate is alive. It is, no doubt about that but what good does the little good in humanity there is even accomplish? It might do very little, true and have little impact but who cares? Yes, you should care but what about doing things for the purpose of simply doing them? We don’t do that enough anymore. We don’t think simple things like that matter anyway. They might not, but denying someone good humanity is like denying food to a hungry puppy. It will only make you sadder.
I could get more political or revolutionary about this but I won’t. I won’t do tirades here. This is a place of positivity. So I will give you a way to feel happy about the things in your world. The world that, like it or not, you are a part of. You should get involved in it, but if you will not at this current moment then alright. I’ll let it be. Humanity can always be restored in our minds until we remember that it cannot because humans are inherently all-powerful. So much power is never a good thing.
Small things can be big things if you let them be. Large moments can become even larger depending on what you view as important. Don’t let yourself get carried away with thinking all humans are bad though.
Not sure what my major plans are for the next few years. I hope to keep teaching. I also hope to work as a writer. I also would like to teach yoga. I will be traveling and that is all I know for certain.
I love traveling. But I hate flying. Road trips can be fun if there are cool stops along the way. Too many people on said road trip could be bothersome and icky but adventures are “a must” for this generation. Or so say the countless articles and blog posts reminding young people to explore the world and find themselves, before the terror of “settling down” creeps up on them. Because it will. It can be avoided for as long as possible until one day one wakes up and realizes that the life they are living is not doing anything for them. It is time then to rethink things.
Retooling or rethinking things does not always translate well for all. For some, this means a change in career or a major move. While others decide it is just much simpler to get married and have kids. Yup, I said it. For others having a steady job, trusting friends and family, paid time off, and the ability to give back equals a fulfilled and possibly a settled life. The other segment will keep traveling. Will keep making themselves move forward with traveling and trying to find out who they really are. Of course, they know who they are. It’s just the excuse of travel, of getting out that everyone loves to say.
I would like a traveling companion. I would like to see more of the world. I have barely seen any of it really. Life is short and I all I can think about are all the places I would like to see. But, traveling also costs a good deal of money. To get that money, one has to work. Working for long and doing well leads to more opportunities within a certain company or profession. We all want to move forward. So we do and that trip we want to take never happens. The idea fades away and we do what everyone else does in society: We settle. Is it so wrong to settle? We begin to ask ourselves (to which the answer is no, it absolutely is not wrong). But, we continue to wonder and that wonder is what drives me to travel now and find traveling friends to join me on that journey.