astir

adj: 2. awake and out of bed.

I think that these days, I would like to say that I’m busy but still free. 

I am taking the opportunities that are coming my way, but I want bigger things too. I want things that make me not question why I’m doing them. I’m sure in my heart what those things are, but speaking out about what I really want is not what the people around me want. The refrain I hear again and again is to just “stay.” To keep in the place that continues to be a place of despair, but one in which I feel pressured to stay in.

I need new experiences in different places. I haven’t been everywhere. Not by a long shot. I don’t really do bucket lists or things like that. I just make small lists and they are goals of things that I aim to achieve. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it does not.

In any case, I am striving to be something. To be someone, rather. I am still very much rooted in the ideals that I was brought up with, but I’m imagining myself apart from that as well. In a world in which I am free to do and see the things I yearn to do. It’s not that anyone is stopping me and it’s not that I am not able to go, its that responsibility pushes me to stop. Just stop and realize that all I might need is not far away after all.

However, while I’m keeping busy with numerous projects and work, I would still like more me time. More focus on what brings me joy.

When I get there, it will not be said in words but emotions.

Until then, I’ll be flying busy, free, and wild all at the same time. Every day.

New hopes

It would seem that the world is on the brink of something again. Or maybe it always was and I just decided not to pay attention. Whichever way you look at it, from any angle, there is something turning. A quarter or two might have fallen into the age-old pot of desires and dreams that you think you have.

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You don’t need to resolve to do anything if you can’t resolve why you got out of bed today. The simple things are the easy things that take time to do in everyday life. The things taken for granted which you don’t always think about, but matter so much.

So, ok maybe you don’t make goals. You wonder, though how to better yourself. How to be a better “version” of yourself, as people like to say. How, then to go about adjusting the sails on your thought boat?

Think of it this way: New hopes are not structured like goals might be, making them a bit hazier. So you have new hopes. You have low hopes and you have high hopes, but none of those hope-y things are really goals (at least, not in your mind).

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So it’s likely that you’ll keep hoping and you’ll keep wondering your next step. It’s not something you or I will admit but we have a failure of being brave.

As I watched the Disney film Brave today, I was reminded that it takes courage to say what you want to do and mean it. It takes determination to want to do and be someone different. It might mean stepping outside of your comfort bubble, but when you do you will be more steadfast in your maybe goals for the future. Aren’t Disney movies great? I’m feeling exuberant about nothing and everything.

So, be hopeful. Be watchful. The world is waiting.

Positivity

Well, It’s late in the day but whatever I’m still posting. It doesn’t really matter where I end up, I just want to end up happy and healthy. Don’t know if that’s too much to ask for, but it’s worth hoping for. Some words I live by are: Happiness is a journey, not a destination. These are good words to remember. On New Year Eve with my family in Magic Kingdom, I was reminded that the small things are what matter and its what we usually forget. Sometimes it takes more than just wishing something away to make it stop happening. At the same time, precious moments like that also remind one that the love of family and friends is the best happiness there is.

Of course, there is more to life than this. People are much more complex than at first glance. Humans sometimes tend to overthink things and overanalyze things in ways that are sometimes more unnecessary than necessary. I include myself in this. Really, though the mistakes and laughs which people share everyday do not need to be thought about so much. For example, does it really even matter that you have no idea what you’re doing tomorrow? Or this month? You have no idea whether you are going to the mall or not or whether you really will buy that new camera after all? No, it’s all just things that worry us but on closer examination mean nothing at all. It takes time to overcome hardships. I think we all know that, but it takes a lot more work to get through a hard period in one’s life. Everyone goes through a hard time. From having no job, to having more than one job that pays little or no money to looking for internships knowing they pay little or no money. do not pay. This is hard. It’s hard for everyone. I put myself out of most groups though. I am not struggling. I am not living from paycheck to paycheck (though sadly, one day I probably will be) and I am not without a home. In this way, I am alright. I know that and I hope that this little light will guide me towards a more bright future.

One that I can be sure will give me good health and happiness.