The purpose of tears

It’s amazing how we think we can build a house on a mountain. That we can create change just by being actively involved in a cause. That we believe our voice is stronger than the ones in the back.

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The reality of what might be pushing us back is that we are reluctant, but claim to be unafraid. We are resilient, but also willfully scared of change. It’s the backbone of an inspiring story that might have already been written or is just waiting to be written. It’s the gaps in silences pushing you away from something you might want but don’t fully know why.

You don’t have to feel as though you need to do it all in a day. Whatever it is will happen irrespective of how you feel about the outcome. Good or bad, better or worse. The fight you have left in you will start to wear you down and make you possibly regret what you decided to fight in the first place. Make you wonder why you chose the path of least resistance. Is less resistance something you want or need? Is it something you want to work towards? Aim higher. Aim to give yourself more than what you think you can actually achieve. What you don’t achieve this year will happen the next year. Carry on, but set your aim higher.

So keep your chin up. Mine is all the way up now that I’ve reached the end of writing this (who can say how long it will keep up though). Keep fighting the internal battle with your words, with your head and your mind to quit or keep going. You know what is right, so keep at it. Keep at it, keep doing what you’re doing.

Love yourself.

Running

5 things I’m getting to:

  1. The many amazing books I want to read (mostly non-fiction at this point)
  2. The podcasts that are interesting and screaming for my attention
  3. Love interests that are on hold
  4. The yoga routines that are falling flat
  5. The daily meditations that are lacking

I’m working, I’m not slowing down and it’s starting to make me feel dread at when I will not be working. It’s highly likely that I will have some of those days when I feel like throwing in the towel will be the best option, the most formidable option. However, I am pushing myself to the point of near burnout. I am making myself lose my humanity. I do not thrive well under stress. I need the strength to remain calm under pressure, however my voice is getting the better of me these days. Keep calm and carry a big voice is what they say.

It take a lot for an introverted person like myself to raise my voice. To work to clear the air and get the attention of everyone. It makes me feel as though I am still underachieving in that I am unable to work towards harnessing this voice. I need a strong voice. A strong start and a strong foundation in order to help me be a leader in a time when I really do not want to be one. I am not where I need to be yet, but I am going somewhere. I might not be walking there, but I am going there fast and moving constantly.

Probably

Life is uneventful, until it is. When it appears that you are “busy” and engaged, then you forget to take time for yourself. Forget about the small things like reading a great book. Forget about how lost you are.

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It’s probably in times of great heartache that we feel the need to collapse. To regain footing as it were. However, one can be sure of what they want when faced with two decisions: Do something or do nothing. For most people, the decision falls into the latter. Perhaps it’s the reminder of not having to stress about things in the past. What’s happened has happened. There is no getting around this fact.

It’s probably a great sacrifice to dedicate time to oneself. It’s a stretch to imagine that others around one would be interested in taking part in this clean mind activity as well. Because it is a cleaning of the mind that can have effective results. What are those results? Probably different depending on who is asked.

It’s probably a great time to take five. Take a break. Sleep, meditate, and walk. It’s not as though others will be joining in at this part. Hard work is usually a solo affair and the moments following this need to be solo as well.

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Take time for yourself. Take time to breathe and know you are doing just fine.

The daily

It’s a nice time of year. Not really, but what do you want me to say here?

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Every day might be a struggle, but I’m enduring it.

Every day might be more unproductive, but I’m managing it.

Every day I might be moving farther away from the person I wanted to be.

Every day I might not eat the foods that I want.

Every day I wake up and decide to do things and usually try to.

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Despite the small setbacks of daily life, I am fairly certain that I am doing just fine. If I am at all honest, it would be to say that I am beyond fine. I am great. Not most days, internally (in the heart), but externally I can make those faces that tell others the story they would like to hear. Maybe some more than others.

It could be that I hear from an old friend today. Or that I uncover the reason behind why I am not doing what I set out to do. The reason behind why I am slow on many projects. I take my time, I think, I analyze, I discuss, and still think it important to carve out time for me. I focus on focusing on myself but then forget about the other projects. The irony is not lost on me.

So today I will be great. Maybe not a GREAT great, but up there. Quite possibly, I’ll find the spark today and my brain will ignite with possibility. I can hope can I not?

I can be free to hope and to dream for as long as I wish. It does nothing to dream without understanding why you dream.

This is turning into a post with a mind of its own. Have a splendid day that is whatever you want it to be. As it should be.

On books and writing

“The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.” –

-Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

I’d like to believe that those of you reading this actually enjoy reading. Possibly you spend a good deal of time reading even. Maybe you just got some new audiobooks (yes, these can count).

Or maybe not. It could be that you are failing in reading and you don’t seem to fathom why. “But I used to love reading!” is what you tell people. “I can’t seem to find the time to read these days.” Oh, so that’s what we’re going with then.

Don’t worry, I have also done this but I know that it does nothing to make me read. If I want to read, no one is stopping me from picking up a book and reading it. I love to get lost in a great story. It reminds you of the wonderful writers, most of who are unknown, that have not given up on their dream. If they haven’t, who says you should?

Sure, you might say you don’t want to write but you could change your mind one day. You might do something amazing and people will pay you great sums to write a memoir. Maybe they’ll make a movie about your life that is then not your life anymore. Anyway, a bit of a far reach but just know that you cannot stop trying because it might be too hard.

Besides anyone can self-publish, as anyone who writes on WordPress or other blogs knows though the likelihood of writing the “Next Great American Novel” is probably not achieved through your own means. As much as you might try.

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read. Thanks for remembering that “hey, reading isn’t so bad after all!” That’s right, it’s not so bad. How, about we all try doing more of it?

Drowsiness may occur

I’m feeling rather out of sorts lately. I have been neglecting a good workout. My body is craving a great workout right now and I can hear the muscles crying, but I just feel like there’s not enough time anymore. Of course, I don’t want it to be this way, that’s definitely not the way that I want to feel.

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I know why I am not giving myself enough time these days. It’s mostly because I’m doing too many things (mostly before the sun rises) and doing my very best to be as productive as possible every day. I also am not super well rested because of this, but yoga does help with sleep a bit.

I know I’m part of a society that essentially thrives on work and work and work and work and then more work. Or, maybe “thrive” is not the right word because most people struggle with something. I hate the feeling of being in a struggle, but I’ve always felt to be “in a struggle” job-wise all through my twenties. The feelings never really went away. It’s now that I am realizing that they never will and I am not great at action, so struggle inevitably occurs anyway. There’s no need for it though, for anyone.

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I think as a society we also take naps for granted. Some of us love to nap, others feel like it must be scheduled (though there are those times when you find yourself fall into a heap without any warning). Naps are great ways to build energy if it’s more mid-afternoon. However, I won’t judge you if you need to sleep after this in more of the late afternoon, stretching into evening territory.

A good sleep schedule is everything, yes. However, so is the ability to feel like you are doing something worth your time. So, you’re feeling so tired right? Just so so tired. Well, that’s ok because from what I heard life is pretty tiring you just learn how to manage yourself with new goals.

You’ll get there. I will get there too.

The bare minimum

I recently dreamt that I was being told that “my profession is a failure.” The person was not wrong, but the idea remains in my mind of how little I am doing each day. Of course, I always believe I could be doing more and setting goals that I will achieve. I know I am only letting down myself when I neglect a goal for the day. 

In other times, it feels as though I am not doing enough to be happy. That should make sense when reading it the first time, if not rethink how you view happiness. It should come easily, it shouldn’t be forced and it should be about you. My great fear is that I am becoming a person of habit, but then its also not a fear at all because as most people get older this is a fact of life. I embrace this I suppose. I want to know how to stop feeling terrible about not reaching goals. It’s not really something that is easily achieved (irony). 

In the case of the world, it’s terrible and none of what I’m saying matters. In your own life, you’re probably having a good week or a bad week (or maybe somewhere in the middle). You’re wondering how you got to this blog post that is going on about being happy and reaching goals and blah blah blah. 

Maybe I’m just writing the basics of a suitable post. Maybe I’m just doing the basics when it comes to a generally happy life situation. I’m not quite there yet. If I can make it, so can you.