Maybe someone once told you that you can’t do something and now it’s making you feel like more than a failure than usual. Someone might have told you “if this can’t work next month, then goodbye” or “hope it all works out for you.” These are only examples of things that will bring your self-esteem more down than you need it to be.
To get that self-esteem back, the best thing to remember is that you can’t live up to any expectations others set. You are your own person and you have your own goals. Achieve them on your own time and level. It’s best to think about it this way: Your success does not denote you to the same achievements as others, because those goals are not always what you really want.
What you really want then is to carve out a kind of goal that makes you feel fulfilled. Makes you wonder how you got so lucky at that thing called life. You didn’t, luck is not part of the deal it’s all chance and hard work (unless you don’t play by the rules).
You will get pushed aside and disregarded. It’s part of the goal to get you to a happier place and despite your best efforts, you will still not get where you need to be and what you want without a little pushback. The key is to not let those negative pushes turn into drawbacks for you. Keep striving and keep fighting.
The biggest battle to fight is that which is within yourself. You might not ever overcome it, or pull back from it in pieces and shards only. This is fine, as long as it makes you remember to stay on the path and push forward. Mistakes are just that: Mistakes. They are not an error on you or your character, think differently about your past choices this way.
It’s likely that this year you have faced some failures. Some mishaps. Found yourself on a path that you’re not entirely proud of, but you are hoping for the best at this point. You are pretty certain that you are doing ok, but not sure what steps to take next to be great. The struggle comes from the realization that you are and probably always will be a failure in some way.
In the same vein though, you are the exact opposite of that. You are thriving and growing each and every day. Yay you! Alright, so let’s say it’s five years from now, you have achieved what you wanted and satisfaction is oh so sweet. You’re feeling not just happy, but pure contentment in your life and choices. Something is nagging at you though and it is the need to create. As humans we will always want to create something, it doesn’t matter your personality type (introverted or extroverted). However, creativity can lead to different happiness levels. Maybe your feelings on a certain subject or idea will change. Maybe you will hate everything about what your life has become up to that point. Maybe you wonder if you are not actually putting your time to good use. After all, creativity is everywhere and not everyone has to be a part of that. You can buy creativity but would it mean anything to you, would it have any value?
Let me say this then. You’re a teacher. You’re a writer. You’re a U/X designer. You’re an IT professional. You’re a babysitter. You’re a grocery-store clerk. You’re a bookseller. You’re a librarian. You’re a barista. You are creative, but you a part of a generation that doesn’t value you. You’re part of a society that values things that are more practical because they make more sense for future generations. Things like STEM technology, e-commerce and trade, finance and banking, law, and medicine are jobs the world needs more than a teacher or writer. The things that you want to do may not lead you down an easy road to success. You definitely won’t get to where to want to be that quickly. You need the drive and patience to not give up.
Success will never be easy if you’re a teacher. You won’t be making much. You will be overworked. You might have to work two other jobs, at least. You will have to take care of other personal projects as they come. You have to fight your own battles out there you creative soul.
Success may make or break you. I hope that it will make you stronger, but it could very well be very hard to achieve and that alone could break you until you are a shattered mess. Hold strong and remember that success is not a shot in the dark but a glowing bright light in a room full of shadows.
You got this. I got this. We all got this.
(cover/featured image via Pexels photo gallery through WordPress).
You forgot to pick up the milk again. You forgot to make sure that you will be writing down your goals this week or this month and now you are flailing around trying to “just get through the week.” Stop sucking and start being awesome is what I’m trying to say.
So you failed. Not a big deal, but at the moment in which the failure is happening that is not what you want to hear. You want to hear why you failed. Why are you screwing up so badly? Again? A common refrain you might utter: what did I do wrong? You probably forgot to check something or do that other thing or tell someone something. Either way, it’s on you only because you said so.
Here’s a piece of advice that you can either take to heart or ignore completely (no in between, because you might be a cynic at this point): There are too many definitions of failure, but they will all amount to the basic idea that success was not or is not achieved. Or the second result from Google: 2. the omission of expected or required action. One might not know what that action is or refers to, but it is not reaching the goal. Trying and failing is standard in the book of failures. Those that live a life in which everything amounts to lowered expectations are not seeing failure for what it is. It is the idea of giving up, of throwing in the towel, all those euphemisms.
Failure is not an excuse to stop trying, but a reason to try differently. It is not a sign of your weakness that you feel the need to stop, but a sign of your own limits. Know those limits, you don’t have to cross them until you feel you are ready. Or maybe your limits will sink you like comfort sinks you like an anchor. It’s great to try, but even greater is the willingness to try a new idea. A new way to think about analyzing failure will eventually lead you to small successes. You will get that job. You will get a new place. You will find growth in your own small victories. Of course, analyzing too hard will only lead you to rethink everything and view failure as the only option.
It’s by design that way. You are already failing, so what’s another courageous try going to do?
Let’s try to have those new ideas and embrace all the bad flaws. The bad flaws are the good flaws now, now don’t go googling any more articles that leave you questioning.
Here’s to you. You are the most underrated human that is so awesome in your not fails.
What if everything was micro-sized? Your car, your house, your bed, even your pet. Or how about if you had fewer things because things take up space? You could be a nomad and live a travel lifestyle. It’s possible and many people quit their jobs all the time to travel and do what they kept thinking about for so long.
Could you do it? Maybe. Will you do it? Will you follow through? Probably not.
If we did all the things we write down or dream about, we might wander forever. You might say you don’t need money, but you do need to eat and you do need to pay bills. The way that you are going, you think you will never get to where you want to be. I’m just writing this as a reminder that you will get there. You will get there if you know what you want.
Goal setting isn’t a dumb idea, it is a real thing that can lead to having a purpose. The purpose you never knew you needed or wanted. You’re so close, but not yet there.
Or maybe you are there? I mean, I don’t know where there is anyway. Let your heart sing to the freedom of what it wants. Maybe you’re halfway there. Maybe you still have a long way to go.
Whatever path you hope to take on next, I hope it leads you somewhere.
People are not always human. Humans are not always people.
We like to define and categorize each other into cute little boxes. It’s stimulating to have a name for something, a blueprint to our illnesses that we can mindmap. Whether this works out or not is mostly up to us, but also the world and whether it accepts who we choose to be.
If you are struggling to find the reasons to be happy, I want you to try these five things:
Oh hey. You know those fun, festive feelings that people get around parties? I think those should be everyday kinda feelings, ya feel? Like, getting so super excited it’s like a rush of endorphins or a runner’s high that leaves you wanting more. You don’t have to do drugs to feel insanely happy about life.
What’s a feeling that gets you so alive? Is it the reminder that you are doing some awesome things that you didn’t even take notice of before? Or possibly you are learning to tie your shoe for the first time with a brand new venture? Awesome and well done either way.
Is it an excitement that wakes you up each day or is it a sadness that “wow, this is my life now.” I hope not and if it is, then I hope you find a way out of that soon. It’s not great, I have been where you are and getting back to the good feelings will indeed make you happy. No, not just happy but you will feel rewarded because you have a purpose. You will know that you what you do is not worthless, because you are awesome! Yes, you are please don’t deny it! I hope you figure out what makes you happy real soon and stop waiting for the good vibrations to head your way (you gotta help them get there a little!)
Whatever you’re thinking as you’re reading this, I hope you know that you don’t have to do it all right now.
I’ve been doing some thinking. Well, not real thinking. I’ll save the deep thoughts for another post and another time. But, the kind of thinking that makes me realize that I have so much to look forward to. I am worthy of so much love, even though I do not feel any love towards me. Alright, I guess that is semi-deep. Whatever, I’m a writer ok.
No, I feel the love from friends, family and those in the support circle. However, I am not getting the kind of love I want. The kind of love I might require will lead me to a broken heart (I thought I had two, but turns out I am not actually a Time Lord. Oh well). To sweeten the taste of rejection I have had for years now, I will probably turn away from what might be a good opportunity in favor of something greater. I say this while also knowing I will probably still keep trying and failing to be the best at whatever I try. You only don’t have something when you really just don’t. What I mean by that is when you stop caring and decide to throw in the towel, then you let the dizziness of sameness fall over you. This equals to rejection after rejection after rejection. After rejection. You keep going though just to make a new goal. Make a new record. Oh wow, over 5 new rejections today! I’m not saying this is me, but I am saying that this could be you if you stop believing. Believing in yourself before you ask yourself what comes next. Believing in yourself is harder to do then you might think. We like to think of ourselves as wise and cool and better than the new generation, but are we? Are we honest with ourselves as much as we would like to be? Do you have doubts about yourself? In your work? You can’t let yourself down. You matter the most.
So, I’m still doing fairly great. Thanks for asking actually. There are ups and downs in everyone’s lives. Other things we would much rather be doing instead of what we must do. This is the way it is, but if we focus on ourselves and our own goals then no one will dare to stop us. Because we will exude confidence and that’s like attractive.
Tragedy is one of those things in which you forget to live. Forget your reason for living. Maybe you know that “life must go on” but you can’t imagine possibly doing that. How could you when you’ve lost practically everything of worth?
On that note, no one expects anyone to grieve in great celebration. Because obviously, this is not a time to celebrate anything. It’s a time to reflect, sure, but the sadness that is coated in that reflection can leave one feeling pretty bleak. It’s probably why so many force themselves to “celebrate life.” Because the truth is that we cannot ignore that we are alive. Life should be celebrated no matter who or what is in question. No matter their deeds. No matter what. Celebrate the moments, even if they were brief to let yourself know that you are alright. To feel something. An emotion that releases great power within you will be the light that shines the brightest for you.
So as you think about the things you lost, also think about the things you have not. The things that are leading you to the happy moments right now. You are happy. You are content at the very least. You are not going to let small fears define you. It doesn’t have to be so easy to make you feel as though you are not worth anything. You are worth more than all the terrible things that could possibly occur to you. Because bad things don’t always define a person. Circumstance might, but sometimes that knocks the wind a bit too. What do you have left? You have hope. Hold onto that hope because you can’t let it down.
It might be hard to cope. It might be hard to even think of the word cope on the spot. Forget about a eulogy, you need to breathe. Everyone needs solace in a time of great fear. In a time when everything and everyone seems uncertain, you seek refuge in the familiar. When the winds continue to blow in the wrong direction, you start to wonder why you even cared that they blew in that direction. Maybe your house fell apart. Maybe your store is flooded. Maybe your school is closed and maybe you are having a meltdown and tore whatever you have left apart. You are screaming. You are sitting on the floor now. Your hands are on your knees and you weep. For those you have lost. For the things you could not save. For the years and time you will never get back. You cry because you failed. You hold onto the bed behind you and feel its stench. It’s all too much. It smells like failure, too. Then, you stay on the floor for a long time. You don’t come out of the room because going out would mean facing a sad reality no one should have to endure. Your heart breaks just thinking about walking past the door. More hours pass. You finally have to get up to relieve yourself. You realize things cannot be healed without time. You call a loved one. You feel grateful. You call a friend, you make a plan to help out. Your community needs you. You need them. Work with those around you to help cope, to help rebuild.
Life has to go on, but healing will always have slow moving steps to the finish line. The finish line being wherever you want it to be, as long as it brings a future of happy moments and less hate on yourself.
I’m doing my best. This blogging thing can be a lot of work when you think about it too much though.
So no thinking- just leaping into whatever (provided of course that the “whatever” is not gonna break any bones or anything for me). The point is that I want to do something different. Something new. I’m already halfway there, the rest is really up to me. What is “the rest?” Yeah, no answer to that. Probably something that will lead me to future of happy living. That’s all anyone wants really.
As far as happiness levels in general go, I’d say I’m at a good level currently. No terrible illnesses, no diseases and feeling good about life. Fresh air is all around me and I’m grateful every day for where I am. For where I am right now.
People make goals all the time about what they want to do, forgetting that the things they might need are already within reach. Step away from the stress, from the madness if only for a moment and let yourself feel happy. Those small happy moments will mean so much more when they happen without being planned. After that, the happy times will just fall into place.
(I’m writing this while also knowing it’s not easy for everyone to be happy, but I also know that if you want to feel true joy you have to feel gracious about what you do have).
Feel the love. Spread it and own your joy like nothing else.
If you’re young and you really want something, you shouldn’t give up on the chance to have it. You shouldn’t let yourself feel like you need to give up on what makes you happy. Happiness is something different for everyone. It is something that radiates and shines from above. It brings you light.
Similarly, your life is an open-box that reflects everything that you have done thus far. The box is not empty yet. There are those that will demean you and say you are not fit for this or that. Maybe because of your gender, maybe because of your race, or maybe because of your intentions.
Throughout your life, you have been told that you can only do this and not that or you have been told that you can do something but with limitations. And you know those limitations exist because you believe in them. There’s a quote that you see on cute Pinterest posts that does ring true in this case: “Limits are just an illusion.” Be limitless. It’s an easy thing to say and its and even easier thing to type out. We all have limits and its ok to know what they are. To know what they stand for and why they are there. But, if we break one limit we have set for ourselves would everything really fall apart? Or would things instead fall right into place?
When you figure this out, then you’ll be golden. You’ll be wondering why you didn’t realize this so many years ago. Why you were so afraid. Maybe its the fear of failure or of being judged, but whatever it is it sneaks up on us and reminds us that we can’t do what we thought we could. Ignore that voice for a second.
Maybe you’re going through a rough patch, maybe things are amazing right now, or maybe you want to cry all the time. Either way, keep your head held high and don’t let anyone tell you to change yourself for reasons that hold you back. You can do great things.
I can do great things.
I have dreams like you do (yes, you have dreams. That nine to five is either a dream job or you’re still restless). Either way, let yourself dream. Let your mind wander and let yourself know that you can set your mind free. It’s a wonderful thing to set your mind and heart free by accepting yourself wholly.