In the empty space

In times of despair, there are those that will get up and do something while there are many that wonder and wait for what will occur next. There’s some that fall in-between as well, those that yearn for a good middle ground.

I’m existing in the empty space between middle and end. My story is just getting started but sometimes it feels as though I am running out of time and need to race against time. There is no race, but it seems as though there is most days. Seems as though floating along is worse than knowing exactly where you are supposed to be at the right moment in time. The worst feeling is to be not useful or an even greater offense, so useful. In either direction, a person can feel a waste of energy.

The strain of trying to be something or be nothing at all feels like it should have meaning but it really doesn’t. It’s hopeless to assume that things will work out when it is evident they will not and you are made abundantly clear of these facts. So keep going is the only way forward. The only way out or down or around.

There might still be a space left in the in-between for those still waiting for clarity. For answers that will never come. For the sign that is lost somewhere at sea. For the person still trying to come out of yourself.

cover image source

The purpose of tears

It’s amazing how we think we can build a house on a mountain. That we can create change just by being actively involved in a cause. That we believe our voice is stronger than the ones in the back.


The reality of what might be pushing us back is that we are reluctant, but claim to be unafraid. We are resilient, but also willfully scared of change. It’s the backbone of an inspiring story that might have already been written or is just waiting to be written. It’s the gaps in silences pushing you away from something you might want but don’t fully know why.

You don’t have to feel as though you need to do it all in a day. Whatever it is will happen irrespective of how you feel about the outcome. Good or bad, better or worse. The fight you have left in you will start to wear you down and make you possibly regret what you decided to fight in the first place. Make you wonder why you chose the path of least resistance. Is less resistance something you want or need? Is it something you want to work towards? Aim higher. Aim to give yourself more than what you think you can actually achieve. What you don’t achieve this year will happen the next year. Carry on, but set your aim higher.

So keep your chin up. Mine is all the way up now that I’ve reached the end of writing this (who can say how long it will keep up though). Keep fighting the internal battle with your words, with your head and your mind to quit or keep going. You know what is right, so keep at it. Keep at it, keep doing what you’re doing.

Love yourself.

On failing to live out a surmountable goal

(also read this on this occasion).

They say you’ve reached the main location of promise. Of discovery. Of eternal bliss. It’s the place between forgiveness and dissent. No country is really there yet but we can hope to get there sometime soon. We can dream that we have achieved greatness by ignoring the needs of the most responsible or upright citizens. Who is to say that anyone has ignored anyone. Suffice to say, it’s not a “war.” It’s a battle, if it was a real war there would be more ships cruising along in the clouds with blood splattering everywhere feeling all revolutionary. Oh wait. Guess that already happened, we’re just waiting for the last moments of sanity to come crashing down.


I think that in the current year, 2018, it is a good time to be raw. Let’s get honest about what we as a society expect. We can’t fully appreciate what we have and the opportunities we have if we always take them for granted. What is real equality and have we reached it? Are women equal? Are people equal?

The answer to all these things is a firm no. There might not be any balance to be found there either. If there is then it will be found at a later time. At a time when we are are living our last moments on Earth is when we stop caring because we know that it doesn’t matter what efforts we made, what matters is how the next group tries to fix the problems. We try to raise up a generation that will care about the environment, social causes, human rights, and equality. However, we also want children to have a mind to think for themselves. To be able to know what they want, but also be smart enough to know the difference between right and wrong. The things that are right are seldom made as an example to do again, while we stress the wrongs even as they continue to occur. For example: It’s wrong to punch or hit so it is “wrong.” What about helping a stranger or donating money to a local charity? Those are the “right” that we don’t talk about unless it’s in one of those “people on the street” videos that many seem to love doing.

Anyway, on this day remember what you have. Remember what others do not have. Always be grateful. What can you do more of? You can be the change you want to see, by giving back your time. You can start a chain reaction by simply creating connections with people who are not like you or those your social circle does not associate with. Step outside your comfort zone and realize that people, regardless of skin color, age, gender, ethnicity, background, or social status are all just people.

“How about this weather?” seems lame but in this case try it and see where it takes you. I hope you have many scintillating conversations with all kinds of people this year.


[image attribution: Ebony Magazine, 1955 (public domain) via Wikimedia Commons]

On losing things and people

Tragedy is one of those things in which you forget to live. Forget your reason for living. Maybe you know that “life must go on” but you can’t imagine possibly doing that. How could you when you’ve lost practically everything of worth?

On that note, no one expects anyone to grieve in great celebration. Because obviously, this is not a time to celebrate anything. It’s a time to reflect, sure, but the sadness that is coated in that reflection can leave one feeling pretty bleak. It’s probably why so many force themselves to “celebrate life.” Because the truth is that we cannot ignore that we are alive. Life should be celebrated no matter who or what is in question. No matter their deeds. No matter what. Celebrate the moments, even if they were brief to let yourself know that you are alright. To feel something. An emotion that releases great power within you will be the light that shines the brightest for you.

So as you think about the things you lost, also think about the things you have not. The things that are leading you to the happy moments right now. You are happy. You are content at the very least. You are not going to let small fears define you. It doesn’t have to be so easy to make you feel as though you are not worth anything. You are worth more than all the terrible things that could possibly occur to you. Because bad things don’t always define a person. Circumstance might, but sometimes that knocks the wind a bit too. What do you have left? You have hope. Hold onto that hope because you can’t let it down.


It might be hard to cope. It might be hard to even think of the word cope on the spot. Forget about a eulogy, you need to breathe. Everyone needs solace in a time of great fear. In a time when everything and everyone seems uncertain, you seek refuge in the familiar. When the winds continue to blow in the wrong direction, you start to wonder why you even cared that they blew in that direction. Maybe your house fell apart. Maybe your store is flooded. Maybe your school is closed and maybe you are having a meltdown and tore whatever you have left apart. You are screaming. You are sitting on the floor now. Your hands are on your knees and you weep. For those you have lost. For the things you could not save. For the years and time you will never get back. You cry because you failed. You hold onto the bed behind you and feel its stench. It’s all too much. It smells like failure, too. Then, you stay on the floor for a long time. You don’t come out of the room because going out would mean facing a sad reality no one should have to endure. Your heart breaks just thinking about walking past the door. More hours pass. You finally have to get up to relieve yourself. You realize things cannot be healed without time. You call a loved one. You feel grateful. You call a friend, you make a plan to help out. Your community needs you. You need them. Work with those around you to help cope, to help rebuild.

Life has to go on, but healing will always have slow moving steps to the finish line. The finish line being wherever you want it to be, as long as it brings a future of happy moments and less hate on yourself.


(featured image)


Give in

There are those times when you might want to give up. You know that you should not, but you can’t do it anymore is what you tell yourself. It’s getting too hard or it’s getting too rough. Unless this is a toxic relationship you want to give up on, don’t follow that voice in your head that tells you it’s not right to give up. Didn’t expect that did you? The truth is that you’re not a failure for giving up or wanting to give up.

Just make sure that you know why you want out. This goes for most things. Make yourself a list of the reasons why you should not continue with the thing you’re doing. The most obvious thing on that list might be happiness. Do you think you would rate yourself as a highly happy person or just highly motivated like those job questionnaires ask? Wait, don’t rate yourself and if you do anyway don’t rate too low because that’s what you think you should be doing. Some other possible reasons for giving in to mistrust in yourself include: This is terrible, I liked the other thing better, this is too expensive, this is a waste of time, or I’m bored. Say, you decided to join a local sports club but when the time comes to pay for it you realize you can’t afford it and you’re somehow ok with this because you never wanted this “thing” in the first place. Not really anyway. It’s also perfectly ok to leave something because you’re not feeling challenged or you are bored with it. It’s a sign that it’s time to try something else. Something stimulating, but still fun. The biggest thing on most of our lists might be that the “thing” lacks any fun or does not make us happy. We might not be young children, but the idea of a “thing” (whatever that may be) as something that is enjoyable lets us also have something to look forward to.




So, don’t think of yourself as giving up. Don’t make unnecessary battles with yourself that you cannot get out of. Feel happy that you are able to retain some of your sanity by allowing your self to leave when it’s not working out.

Have the courage to not give up, but give in.

That January 25 Feeling

It would seem that we have found ourselves near the end of January. By, now you are well engrossed into your daily life. Fully invested in avoidance of all new years goals. Looking forward to the year ahead or at least prepping for tax season.

I want this to be the year of great travel. The year that I stop searching for that one “thing” and just do something. Finally, conquer myself into a decent career and live fairly profitably. Feel like I am able to achieve what I have been talking about for years now. These are the things that I will accomplish this year. Is it too lofty? Is it to earnest? Either way, its happening and I am making sure to follow through on that. Because I am the holder of my own dreams. No one else.

What about you? What amazing and extraordinary things are you aiming for this year? New job? New love? New city? Whatever it be, I hope it gives you life.




So, no loud ramblings here. Just a friendly reminder that today is over yes, but the year has only just begun. Have you started a new job but can’t leave it even though you hate it? Find the things that give you joy and one day you will find the strength to leave that job or place because you found something greater than that. When you realize what your passions are you will be so much more thankful for the life you have been given.




You only have one life, live it happily. Let’s live vicariously through one another’s adventures, whether those be dull or out of this world. You got this.





(cover image source).


Be your own fighting chance

It’s getting cold again. Well, sort of. The other day its was 74 F. but it snowed for five seconds the other day as well. It’s hard to estimate the weather in the time of global warming, but that’s how it is now.

Anyway, when it’s warm people either feel angsty or happy. Most people are stressing about the holidays, while others are stressing about the upcoming president. It’s kind of bad when there are groups of people that worry about their future lives, their safety, and their general livelihood. It’s the worrisome things that fall under the arc of human rights. Things that resonate with people and make them want to make a change. People that are not usually protesters, those that are not trying to be a nuisance but will be if they need to be. Be loud. Be active. Let your voice be heard and don’t care about who hears you or who doesn’t.



Give a fighting chance to yourself. You are your own superhero, if you believed in what you can do. The magic of the holidays is not just about giving to others, its also about giving to yourself. Give yourself the chance to seek truth, happiness and find courage.

The seasons change and the moments move around. The people that make you want to be a better version of yourself are who you should be around.

Also, don’t give in to coffeeshop protests that make it seem as though one group is superior than another. What’s mainstream is not always cool