It’s amazing how we think we can build a house on a mountain. That we can create change just by being actively involved in a cause. That we believe our voice is stronger than the ones in the back.
The reality of what might be pushing us back is that we are reluctant, but claim to be unafraid. We are resilient, but also willfully scared of change. It’s the backbone of an inspiring story that might have already been written or is just waiting to be written. It’s the gaps in silences pushing you away from something you might want but don’t fully know why.
You don’t have to feel as though you need to do it all in a day. Whatever it is will happen irrespective of how you feel about the outcome. Good or bad, better or worse. The fight you have left in you will start to wear you down and make you possibly regret what you decided to fight in the first place. Make you wonder why you chose the path of least resistance. Is less resistance something you want or need? Is it something you want to work towards? Aim higher. Aim to give yourself more than what you think you can actually achieve. What you don’t achieve this year will happen the next year. Carry on, but set your aim higher.
So keep your chin up. Mine is all the way up now that I’ve reached the end of writing this (who can say how long it will keep up though). Keep fighting the internal battle with your words, with your head and your mind to quit or keep going. You know what is right, so keep at it. Keep at it, keep doing what you’re doing.
I’m thinking lately about what it means to be a good person.
Am I a good person?
Is anyone really a good person?
The feeling you get when you realize you might be doing something bad washes over you in waves. The tide of judgement comes rolling in whenever this happens and you look down on yourself once again.
You say you’re a person with morals, with boundaries but you don’t always know what those are. You know what it means to have these things, but not necessarily what it means to have these things taken away from you. The promise of shelter and love is almost a given, that you forget it exists.
You pull out the weapon. It’s shiny and new, it’s easy to buy these days just head to the local shop. It stares at you in the face, your reflection just barely glinting through. It would seem as though you might have made a mistake about what you want. About what you need. You don’t know right away that the sirens are for you, but you listen and you know. And you cry and you nod.
Get help, seek help. Remember that you’re not alone is the main advice I would give to anyone searching in their hearts for why they need to live such a routine life.
But wait. Then you remember. Not everyone has these same luxuries, has these same thoughts flooding through their head. Not everyone feels as though they will always have support in anything they choose to do.
The feeling of knowing what you need to know and do is not always apparent. It’s sometimes hidden away, waiting for you to do what is right.
I’m pretty sure that life is a waste of energy if you are not spending your time wisely. I’m pretty sure that I’m just fooling myself into wasting my time each day doing mundane things. I’m pretty fairly sure that I don’t know what to write about right now.
Speaking of people, have you heard that your brain is always in motion? It’s true. I think that studies show this and I could probably link to a few if I knew what I was even on about (but since I don’t, like usual I’ll just continue to ramble). What are you thinking about right now? I am thinking that I would like to understand why our brain does the things it does. Why do we do that instead of doing that? Or why do we go to the park instead of the movies? Why go for a walk instead of a bike ride? Why watch Netflix when we can watch YouTube? We don’t consciously make these decisions really (well sometimes we do, because maybe we really have to see the next episode) but it mostly comes from natural routine. It’s so boring and mundane that if something were to go wrong here (in this moment) our brains already know what to do and would just go with the regular, the everyday. Sorry, you have to go for a walk because that’s what your brain wants. It’s what you want too, but you can’t say it aloud.
So I think that you’re probably wondering what to do next. What to read next, what to try next or what goal to set next. Your brain already knows that you may or may not do these things. We all must work on ourselves each and every day. The signals our brain gives us lets us know that we need to focus and hone in on what matters most. I think its safe to say that you should do what you want, but always use your brain before your heart.
I’m pretty sure you’re going to be just fine. I know I am.
I’m gearing up for a transition. It’s probably a major transition but it hasn’t really hit me yet. It’s one that I’m mentally preparing for by telling myself to do all the things and go to the places I want to go to now. There is no time like the present, after all. The thing is that the idea of an uncertain future is catching up to me. Hard.
Sure, we all want those experiences but what if we fail at the other things? “Experience” doesn’t matter if there is nowhere to show them off. Nowhere to go, no one to tell of our great achievements. Finding an audience that cares about what you’re going through is not always easy though. Maybe that audience will always be your family, which is not what you want if you aim to move up in your success. Connections from family can sometimes work, but outside connections work in your favour so much better. What’s the back-up plan? Make at least seven. Don’t lean into a dream that will shatter you because if you want it so bad, the likelihood that it will not come true for you is higher. Sorry, but this is a reality. Sometimes not all the stars line up, but instead create obstacles in your path that push you into feeling rejected. We all get to this place every once in a while. Some of us only once, some many times.
Think broadly. Don’t worry about the failure, because it will happen. Focus on the good feelings and what you need will come into place.