Posted in goals, personal, self-actualization

I take forever to think

I’m one of those slow to make decision types. I want to say that I am working on it, but that means that I need more time to “think about it.”

I just need time to ruminate. Especially when it comes to big decisions, the life or death kind. In a real situation where there is no time I obviously have to make a split-second decision but the fear is that I will wait too long to decide even then. I’m probably spending too much time thinking about this, but it makes me wonder why I invest my time into new ideas.

They say that comfort soaks you like an anchor and that might be true, but indecision can be the brunt of all your rejections (or fear of all of them). It can be the defining force, really so no big deal. So, this is what I’m going to do. I’m going to be confident. Take more chances and aim for fewer regrets. I know I can’t win all my battles, but I can concede that I will try better for the next fight.

Basically, being aware of what you want and how to nab it is the best feeling. I am almost there but not quite. I like to feel assured that all decisions I make will result in good outcomes, but then there are those moments of hesitations where I wonder if the choices I make are really thought out. I’m not trying to be dramatic, but sometimes the choices we make can define us (and sometimes they don’t). Argh. As you can see, this could take awhile (what “this” is is beyond me also).

I got on and typed up a blog post today so there’s one decision that I actually made and did not hesitate on for too long. The mind knows better than the heart in these matters, I suppose.

featured image gif source

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Posted in life, personal

Decision pondering

Oh its a late and I should probably sleep. But, I love to keep this blog growing and thriving and active. And if that means 3 posts a week, so be it (not every week, but Oct. 5th seems like a perfect date for a new posting).

A posting in which I have really nothing to say except that I wish I could make decisions easier. I will probably rest easier with small things taken care of quickly. But, I don’t put off. I think about things for too long. I let my mind wander when it comes to decision-making. Because I don’t really know what I want.

This is not a great trait and I realize this. In fact, its probably terrible from a parental perspective, because I am throwing away any possible successes. I haven’t got a high paying job or a lasting one yet. I’m still just bouncing around like a bunny or Tigger, trying to figure out where to go next. Where my new interests take me (yoga, for instance) and whether they will lead me to long-term careers. Or anything producing income. Nothing substantial necessarily but enough to let me sometimes buy designer clothes. And not that I need anything but that’s the line.

So, back to decisions. Can’t do a great job with making them and can’t pretend that I will be better at doing so in the future. I will do my very best to try though. It never hurts to try and that is something that I hope anyone reading this will remember to do.

Have a thought, then follow up with that thought with something that makes you remember why you had that thought in the first place. Follow-through in other words in everything you say. Easier said than done but we all have to start somewhere.

Decide how to plan before you begin.

 

Posted in family, life

“So we put our hands up like the ceiling can’t hold us.”

I can’t give in to the feeling that this is all for nothing. I’m trying my best, but sometimes one does feel as though the best is not enough.

Sometimes, I don’t know what to do. I’m happy on some days, then sad and confused another.  Not sure what to make of anything really anymore. I just want answers and I just don’t want to be alone. I want to do something worthwhile, though I know I’ve been saying that for awhile now. But, I really mean it. I don’t (can’t) end up being some loser who just sits at home writing online. That is me and no, I recognize that doesn’t make me loser because there are plenty of people who do that. But, I want to try something different too. Build my resume in new ways. I don’t know how to explain it, but I just want something new and fresh. The decisions and thoughts in my head are turning to mush.

This is what I’m currently thinking when I feel the need to give up, knowing it can’t be how I might envision it to be:

sadlife

Most of the time, though I recognize that I can’t be everywhere
givingin

So, I suppose that makes me lower my expectations of the future a bit. For, the most part though I am trying. I am doing something by trying.

from tumblr

I get migraines thinking too much, but writing helps me get focused on what I need to do.

So, I smile knowing that I can’t do everything and laugh realizing that I am not going to be a millionaire or win any lottery. I also keep being me, because that’s all I know how to be.

It also helps to know that people are looking out for you and have not given up on you. So if I keep believing, you can too.

“Here we go back, this is the moment. Tonight is the night we’ll fight till it’s over.”

(all gifs from tumblr, lyrics from Mackelmore’s song “Can’t Hold Us.” All images belong to their respective owners.)