What do you REALLY want to do?

It’s time for what I like to call “Hopeful Musings” or if you prefer “Hopeless Musings.” Now, everybody just line up over there by the the door and before you step out of it, tell me this: What do you plan to accomplish one you step outside those doors and why does it matter to you? To anyone? Do you still plan on stepping outside that door? Have you even stepped outside the door in the last few months?


Alright, didn’t mean to get all motivational speaker on you there. The truth is as the months go by, I’m starting to see that if I want the future that I think about I need to put my thoughts into actions. No, the right guy is not going to come to my front door and I will not meet him on some chance encounter. This is because when I do take chances, I know what the outcome will be like. Usually. Not always. Ok, so I don’t know how to predict most things but for the most part I’m not crazy in thinking that I need to take charge of my own decisions.

So what do I want to do? I could answer that or I could ignore that and say something like “pilates is the best strength training ever. It tops everything.” But you seem (sorta) nice so I’ll say this: Like I’ve sort of said in previous posts, I want to do things that are interesting and relevant. I think this is not common for a young person to say these days, but I don’t want to be young and wild and free forever. I want a place of my own. It makes me a little sad to see people younger than me who have already got this part figured out, simply by buying a house or car. I can’t do any of those things and probably won’t be able to for many, many years. I live at home is why. I’m trying to leave, but I need to secure a job and a semblance of a good future for myself before jetting off because then I will just end up right where I started.

So reader, you’re reading this why again? Because you falsely thought it would give you the answers you need. But, it’s a question. Both rhetorical and real. What is the reason for wanting to do anything? 

A book I recently read centered around suicide, the quote “Everything affects everything” stuck out to me. Why? Because, when you think about it’s true.

Too much to think about in one post? Too many questions, not enough substance? Oh well, you came to the wrong place then.

Here’s some puppies to make it all better.

Can I do all the things I want?

oh hey. I think I wanted to write a blog. I need to fix the timestamp but until I do that I’m writing this post ahead of time (which I don’t always remember to do because sometimes you just want to blog something ya feel?)

So, like I said in my last post I am trying to contribute to healthy lifestyles. Am I doing a good job with that? Moving on. Looking at a post I wrote back in May, I was pretty sure that to get a job I needed to “put a little more effort into it.” Can’t say I did the best job with that, but I wasn’t setting the bar very high either. I should set my expectations higher maybe? I don’t know.

via: http://www.dumblittleman.com/2007/10/you-own-your-thoughts-now-control-them.html

I should just stop writing I don’t know. I don’t know is that weird? It might be a bad habit or might just be the way I speak. The truth is that I do know. I know I want a job, and a reason to feel somewhat accomplished. I haven’t gotten far in post-graduate studies, but maybe online classes will help along with some other fitness certifications I hope to achieve. Too many maybes, not enough certainly? Oh, but that’s only the beginning of the “why” question for me. The larger question of why am I here and what am I meant to be doing. That sort of thing. That’s probably a post for another day, though.


So I’m a mix of whatever right now. I love to travel. I want so much to leave this small town I’m in (an easy feat, but I digress) and go someplace new. I started a TEFL class last week and so far its been readings and more readings. This is important though if I want to do this. For those not sure what’s going on, TEFL stands for Teach English as a Foreign Language as in another country. Part of the requirement for my class requires 60 hours of practicum teaching to be done locally. So, that’s another project for me but I’m not super stressed about it. Where will I teach? Maybe Asia. Maybe the Middle East. Maybe Europe (though not Greece, sorry). I’ve been thinking about this for awhile and I hope that I’m not in over my head. It’s obviously too late to have second thoughts, so I might as well go head first. So the real why? I don’t know. I want to teach. I guess I’ve always wanted to teach. In what capacity that is I don’t think I have fully grasped yet. I had a failed attempt at subbing locally yet that didn’t deter me from doing this.

However, that is not my only interest. I also love journalism and consider myself a writer first and foremost. I want to start a business of some sort, sell something people want to buy (yes, I thought about being a makeup rep. for a little bit but I know a few folks who do that and it feels weird but erm). Maybe one day I will be a good health reporter who is able to work abroad and occasionally teach on the side. While teaching some yoga and pilates classes. Maybe also working as a personal trainer for some people. And a health coach because that’s important to the package right? Being a sort of overachiever is hard sometimes. Or possibly I’ll just travel. Alone, because really isn’t that when the most reflection happens anyway?

from diy lol

Basically, I want to do all the things. When, people ask me a moderately reasonable twenty-something what she’s doing with her life my response is something like: “Teaching, but writing. I’m taking classes.” Oh, sidenote. If there are any family gaherings coming up, saying you’re doing more school always sounds better than doing nothing. At least it counts for something. For the answer after that? You’re on your own.

So, maybe just maybe I do not have all the answers. More likely, you might have just wasted some time reading this. But, fear not because if you are an awesome person than I’m sure you don’t have all the answers either. If you do, then great but would you mind sharing what you know with the rest of us?


Right now, in this moment I’m sure of one thing and that’s that in this week a large chunk of stress will be gone from my head. I probably won’t know what to do with myself, spending months studying, but I think I’ll manage. I won’t say what the test is called, but it’s a big exam. I’m applying to different internships and jobs, in the hopes of landing something (anything?) But, until then I’m back here. Taking a break, you could say or deciding that my life is far from perfect.

Everyone has their own set of imperfections, it’s what makes us human. However, so few of us tend to wonder why these imperfections make us who we are. Why do we struggle with small things, trivial matters which are pointless? Exactly, no one knows. It seems to bother everyone into oblivion though. For example, why wonder about how that job interview is going to go when you know in your heart you might not end up getting that job? Just be yourself, not too crazy but also not to restricted either. It’s good to let loose and let yourself just come up for air every once in a while.

Recently, I came to realize that working out helps me feel a little balance. I have grown fond of yoga and if you haven’t tried it yet, there is no better time or age to start than the present! No matter what obstacles are thrown at you, we all need to learn to react to them in ways which we never knew how before. Example: You have a large meeting coming up on which the future of the company rests in your hand (ok, a bit dramatic but you get the point-I think). You cannot do everything you want in one day, but if you try you can do a lot in just one day. This is called being productive and I feel as though more people are happy when they manage to get 3 or 4 things done in one day rather than not even completing one thing. Remember, tomorrow is another day.

Whatever helps you feel at ease, do it because it will help. It makes a world of difference to know that you are going to make it through the week, the month, heck even the day. Life is not easy, but no one said that it would be a walk in the park either.

Be ready and be happy. Mostly, though just be poised for whatever comes your way and know that whether its this year or in the years’ to come, you will be (somewhat) in greater spirits than today.


In this particular moment I am at a crossroads. I am trying to decide whether it is in my best interest to travel, or just stay where I am and work on finding a steady job. Yes, travel is what I what. So. Much. But, I can’t push away the feeling that there is something out there for me–here. But, I just haven’t found it yet. But, at the same time I don’t know when I will or if I even will get whatever I want here (heck, I don’t even know what I’m looking for). OK, sorry, that’s a lot of “but’s.” I’m really uncertain. (I’m almost said “but” again). It’s hard. Change is hard and I think we all know that to some degree.

I want to write and everyday I think to myself, “I don’t really write enough.” I’m grateful for the people in my life now, but what happens in the future? I would like to have a chance to work somewhere I enjoy, with people that are great. I want to find that one person to spend my life with. I don’t want to end up alone, even though most days I already feel so alone. I’m not sure what steps to take next, but I know that my time is running out here. I need to think long and hard about what I want to do and think for real. I understand that not everything is about me, yet at the same time not everything is always going to be the same either. Everything happens for a reason, it’s just not always known right away (at least that’s what I’m told).

Anyway, back to the dilemna. I want to go with a group from school to Italy, but I am still so unsure. It’s time to make a decision though. Regarding not only insurance, but if anyone wants to come with me. Should I let my mom come with me? I wish I had more friends, this would allow for more options. It’s the opportunity, really of a lifetime. I can’t say that I will be spending all my time with my mother on the whole trip, but it would be nice to have someone there. I would not be so alone, while being alone with a group of people I barely know. I have one day to decide. This is important and I know that it doesn’t matter whether I go or not, but if I do go I will have to be thinking about things as well. Attending a meeting about it, if I make up my mind soon enough. Right now it might be a maybe. When I saw the email inviting me to go along, because of extra space I contacted the ladies in charge almost immediately if not right then. For me, making decisions is not definite which kills me and everyone else. I hate to keep people waiting, just like I hate to give up on myself but I probably am anyway. Whatever happens, happens. I only hope that I know what my reasons are and understand them fully.

“I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.” –E.B. White