It’s likely that this year you have faced some failures. Some mishaps. Found yourself on a path that you’re not entirely proud of, but you are hoping for the best at this point. You are pretty certain that you are doing ok, but not sure what steps to take next to be great. The struggle comes from the realization that you are and probably always will be a failure in some way.
In the same vein though, you are the exact opposite of that. You are thriving and growing each and every day. Yay you! Alright, so let’s say it’s five years from now, you have achieved what you wanted and satisfaction is oh so sweet. You’re feeling not just happy, but pure contentment in your life and choices. Something is nagging at you though and it is the need to create. As humans we will always want to create something, it doesn’t matter your personality type (introverted or extroverted). However, creativity can lead to different happiness levels. Maybe your feelings on a certain subject or idea will change. Maybe you will hate everything about what your life has become up to that point. Maybe you wonder if you are not actually putting your time to good use. After all, creativity is everywhere and not everyone has to be a part of that. You can buy creativity but would it mean anything to you, would it have any value?
Let me say this then. You’re a teacher. You’re a writer. You’re a U/X designer. You’re an IT professional. You’re a babysitter. You’re a grocery-store clerk. You’re a bookseller. You’re a librarian. You’re a barista. You are creative, but you a part of a generation that doesn’t value you. You’re part of a society that values things that are more practical because they make more sense for future generations. Things like STEM technology, e-commerce and trade, finance and banking, law, and medicine are jobs the world needs more than a teacher or writer. The things that you want to do may not lead you down an easy road to success. You definitely won’t get to where to want to be that quickly. You need the drive and patience to not give up.
Success will never be easy if you’re a teacher. You won’t be making much. You will be overworked. You might have to work two other jobs, at least. You will have to take care of other personal projects as they come. You have to fight your own battles out there you creative soul.
Success may make or break you. I hope that it will make you stronger, but it could very well be very hard to achieve and that alone could break you until you are a shattered mess. Hold strong and remember that success is not a shot in the dark but a glowing bright light in a room full of shadows.
You got this. I got this. We all got this.
(cover/featured image via Pexels photo gallery through WordPress).
It’s not like you mean to. It’s not like you want to either. You tell yourself that you are ok, that you are doing fine–great even. It is to no avail. You are in a terrible state of heartache that you fear you are only covering up and not setting free.
It’s a great tragedy of the world that heartbreak happens to everyone. At any point in one’s life. It just does. Most people find a way to get through it one way or another, while others avoid talking about it for some time as a way to help with coping. No one is saying this out loud, but what one really needs is to go back to what they once had but not in the same way because that would be a step backward but in a way that reminds them that those memories were great for a reason. Hopefully, by now you have figured out that you need to own up to which memories you are willing to part with. Because you must.
You do not need to be defined by a certain set of life experiences or background. You probably don’t need to be defined by anything, however, society and the workplace would think differently. In which case, it’s important to reframe what we want and make that our goal. Don’t let past mistakes or judgments cloud your thoughts. It’s not about that, it’s about what you want right now.
It won’t be easy. It will be a long road and you will probably revert back to your old ways at some point if your plans fall through. If your old self was a bad version of yourself that you disliked, then force yourself away from that mindset. Strive to create a better you just by writing down three things you will do in one day. It will make you rebalance and restructure what matters most. Possibly lead you to wonder who matters most, though in the cases where you are confident in what you want you don’t need to question who or what matters the most. In all cases, you should matter most. However, we usually forget this and focus all energy on other tasks. More important things we like to say.
Maybe you just miss what you used to have. Or maybe not at all. Yes, you do, you sincerely and honestly do miss things and people at times. It’s a truth that not everyone can say because it admits to having some fears. Missing a home when you are away or missing family or missing friends are all things that you might feel constantly. You move on though because “missing” is too much and you don’t have time for too much. Not today anyway. You forget, though that the experiences you had make you great. They make you who you are. Miss out on not reaching the goals you thought about way back when and you start to think that you are doing something wrong.
Reminder: You are doing everything right in the best way that you can
It would seem that people are always going to be misguided in some way. They might say that no, not me. I’m perfect. I’m a shining star. However, at some point or another most all of us have fallen prey to the idea that we could be greater than ourselves, greater than what we can afford to be. It’s not a worthless idea, in fact, its good to have dreams as it keeps the mind healthy and active (source: me). The problem arises when the ideas are not realistic and are set into motion anyway.
Maybe you really like bowling, but you haven’t done it for a while. Whenever you do play, its strikes all around though because you’re just that good. Everyone wants you on their team. They tell you to join a bowling league. You think it could be cool, so why not? is what you ask yourself. So cool, now you’re a bowler. Now what? Basically, you start to think about other things you could be doing that are out of your everyday life. What about quitting your job and becoming a YouTuber? What about traveling to South America, because you have that thing called wanderlust and need to travel, according to some article you read. Of course, you could have the idea that you move to Canada because healthcare is free. All of these ideas and “goals” are based on a logic that you are failing in what you are currently doing. Don’t buy into that. Why?
Because YouTube is hard. Maybe 11 years ago it was cool to start a new channel and be someone big, but now many of the big stars of YouTube have an agent, or contract, or company that they work for. There is also a lot of sponsored content as well. It’s not all bad, though fooling ourselves into believing we will be great stars overnight without a large team behind us may not work out as we hoped. You also don’t need to travel. When we lust after something, that’s just a desire to have that thing in our life. Once it is gone, we move on and seek comfort in the things that we are used to. However, you could also move abroad someplace and dramatically change your life. And Canada? Sure, It’s great, but where are you from? Where is your home and will you find it in Canada? If your answer is not a surefire yes then you have no reason to leave just yet.
So keep on keeping on. Keep up the good fight. Keep the battle strong. All those euphemisms for life. You can do it without the gimmicks, you are your own person.
What are you doing these days that you wish you could do more of? Is it reading? Is is exercising? Is it talking to your family more? Less time indoors, more time outdoors? It’s always the same. There’s never enough time, or so we like to believe when we schedule ourselves within the confines of a regular 24-hour day.
You are probably out of time. You probably just rushing to read this so you can do the next boring thing you have to do. No, you have time. You always do. It’s in our heads that there is not enough time. The great fear is that we are not spending our time wisely, that we are not doing things that are worthy of “time.” However, this undermines what is valuable: You. You may know this or you may just read this blankly knowing that the time for reading is short anyway.
I’ve been doing some thinking. Well, not real thinking. I’ll save the deep thoughts for another post and another time. But, the kind of thinking that makes me realize that I have so much to look forward to. I am worthy of so much love, even though I do not feel any love towards me. Alright, I guess that is semi-deep. Whatever, I’m a writer ok.
No, I feel the love from friends, family and those in the support circle. However, I am not getting the kind of love I want. The kind of love I might require will lead me to a broken heart (I thought I had two, but turns out I am not actually a Time Lord. Oh well). To sweeten the taste of rejection I have had for years now, I will probably turn away from what might be a good opportunity in favor of something greater. I say this while also knowing I will probably still keep trying and failing to be the best at whatever I try. You only don’t have something when you really just don’t. What I mean by that is when you stop caring and decide to throw in the towel, then you let the dizziness of sameness fall over you. This equals to rejection after rejection after rejection. After rejection. You keep going though just to make a new goal. Make a new record. Oh wow, over 5 new rejections today! I’m not saying this is me, but I am saying that this could be you if you stop believing. Believing in yourself before you ask yourself what comes next. Believing in yourself is harder to do then you might think. We like to think of ourselves as wise and cool and better than the new generation, but are we? Are we honest with ourselves as much as we would like to be? Do you have doubts about yourself? In your work? You can’t let yourself down. You matter the most.
So, I’m still doing fairly great. Thanks for asking actually. There are ups and downs in everyone’s lives. Other things we would much rather be doing instead of what we must do. This is the way it is, but if we focus on ourselves and our own goals then no one will dare to stop us. Because we will exude confidence and that’s like attractive.
How do you stop a pest from growing? How do you stop a wild animal from taking cover in your sheets? How to stop those bad directions you keep getting on Google?
No easy answer to stop grieving. Grief is as real as we think it is. Recovery makes us stronger, but it takes it time to come upon us. We shatter when we think about how we are doing without careful inflection or thoughtful analysis. We do it anyway though. The shadow of your silhouette is on fire, dear.
You’re probably worse off than you think. You surround yourself with positivity to make these reminders that you are doing terrible seem less obvious. We all know the truth here though. You are actually doing unquestionably awesome. Just don’t tell that to the people who make greeting cards or they will be out of business in a field that relies on the awe of DIY and sincerity without digital means.
We’re all fine. I’m fine. You’re fine. You’ll always be alone because as humans we just are and that’s alright. We go to work alone. We come home alone. We take a shower alone. We walk alone. We are just lonely as a people, but we forge relationships and do this thing called “synergy” a great deal in an effort to make sanity a thing of the past. We are labeled as either “introverted” or “extroverted” but in truth, we are probably neither. We are probably just waiting for the bubble to break and world to end. So, labels are stupid that way because we made them up to explain ourselves to ourselves.
So keep recovering. Keep striving, keep doing well. Recovery comes in all forms. Don’t take everything you do too seriously or you will never be happy. This is a fact. Maybe you need time away from people that care the most about you. Maybe you need space. Maybe you don’t know exactly what you need right now. That’s all perfectly ok. You will make it soon enough. If you abandon the ones that care the most, though you will really be alone so don’t forget to reach out. Help is always there.
Be well, do well. You can’t be great because you are already amazing.
I’m starting to think that wanting to do something good for yourself is a wasted idea. I’m working hard to keep my family sane but I’m drawing myself closer to darkness. I don’t know what I’m doing but I’m drowning at everything I try my hand at. I can’t stay at jobs for long because I’m too restless. I’m sure I could work hard enough if I tried, but I never want to. I never feel like its worth it anymore.
Maybe all that is because I am failing when it comes to matters of the heart. I might be wrong, but that’s probably not a bad thing since it lets me have freedom in my own life. I don’t need a partner, I don’t need someone to have mutual feelings and I do not need to have that happy ending that so many people will not admit that their trajectory in life will somehow end up towards. It would, however, be nice to have the love that I hope I deserve. No, not the love of family. That is different and always there, even when you don’t feel it. I’m talking about the intimate, real and pure love between two people that are in love. I haven’t gotten there yet, but I’m hoping against hope that I will get there soon.
I’m not one to pick apart at strings, but that’s what my life feels like lately. For most of my twenties, I was lost. I am still lost. I have no current job that gives me great joy. I haven’t found the work life or even the career that I believe is the right fit for me and I don’t believe I ever will. I’m too restless to settle in one thing and that’s probably my problem. But, I have some faith that I’ll find something. Something that will not only bring me joy but someone as well. It’s all I can hope for in this hopeless life anyway.
This feels a little sappy, but that’s how I am these days. What can I say, life is short and if you don’t yearn for the boring as well as the amazing then are you really even trying? Let me dream even if it doesn’t happen in the way I imagined. Dreams are funny that way.