My life has changed dramatically in the past three months alone. I went from not being able to speak in front of a large group of people to doing it on the regular (still can’t really do it well though). I went from growing my self-confidence to doubting it all at same time. I learned so much and worked to apply all that I learned in sessions, however I faltered when it came to real-world scenarios. I was drifting someplace. To where I did not know and when I would stop I also did not know.
I’d like to say that I am on my way to figuring it out somewhat, but it is still taking me time to understand what I want from myself in order to be the most successful version of myself that I can be. Setting goals and prioritizing those goals is a work in progress. I haven’t lost sight of what I want the ultimate goal to be, however I fear that I am still an outsider in a world I do not understand. That the invisible wall surrounding this dream will break at any moment and all of it will come crashing down. However, another day comes and I know that I have not failed yet. I have instead found a way to embrace the failure and let myself not be dictated by what I should be doing vs. what I could be doing. It’s all relative anyway.
The title of this post reflects the feeling of being overwhelmed that overtakes me every day now. I am working on building myself up, but can’t seem to grow out of the fear that I will fail and fail miserably. But, it’s ok because I can’t expect to succeed quickly. I can’t expect to win at everything. I can expect that I will get better and try harder to learn more everyday. It’s the best I can hope for at this point.
It would seem as thought like most people, I am looking for some type of reward. I probably won’t get it, at least not so easily. The good things don’t come quickly, they take time.
I feel that I am taking on more than I am able to handle both emotionally and physically. My whole mind is never on one thing. Sure, I might have that one goal of being happy and in a good place and job in my life yet I am not giving myself the credit I deserve. I’m downplaying my assets. I’m forgetting that I am worthy.
It’s ok if i cannot do it all. I already know that I will have at least tried to do most of the things I want to do. Planning out a day takes time and effort, which I sometimes feel as though I have none of. Persistence is key and something I’m still striving towards. Working everyday to remind myself that I’ll never get a new chance if I don’t try the one in front of me. Or, it’s ok to stop but remember to at least keep going. Always keep going.
Some people don’t work at all. Others far too much. Meanwhile, herds of people head to social media to put off meaningful work in exchange for the hope for meaningful interactions. Most of the time, it is a hopeless cause.
I know I work because I see it in my eyes. In the way I feel like I have no time for sleeping. I feel like not being productive is a waste of my own energy and time, though I find myself lulled by social media to be unproductive anyway. Time is meaningless unless used appropriately.
Don’t mean to make this post seem quite so sad sounding. If you’re reading this, then what are you doing to be well? Keep doing the good work. The hard work. No one else can do what you have to do yourself.
The word foreign can sound foreign or strange in itself. The meaning is the same in all all languages. It essentially translates to that which is different or country or language that is different from one’s own. Depending on where you are from, the word can also have different connotations that go along with it.
Maybe I’m foreign in my own skin. I am in love with being in new places, but never feel like I am where I need to be. Mostly because I haven’t yet found the place where I feel needed. My value of myself has not diminished with this fact, however, it leads me to think about what constitutes being foreign.
We’re all people and even though I might live miles away from a teacher in Asia, I know they also have to deal with students in a classroom. They also must create a plan to organize themselves. Now, that’s just a fantasy because these are ideals that I hope are similar but I know are not. What is similar is not always apparent because language gets in the way of making people think they are not able to communicate with those that are different.
Everyone (any age) should be trying to set themselves apart from the rest of the crowd. Be unique, do something different. Try a new food, talk to people in your community from Asia or South America. Your culture can be modified to include different perspectives and ideas. It requires modifying your mindset somewhat as well.
It might be hard to admit but we all have biases. We all have things that we will not admit make us feel differently than other things do. Maybe the person reading this is already beginning to think of their inert biases at this moment.
Foreign is not being able to recognize that what’s different is there and not knowing whether that thing is bad or good. Foreign is not being able to understand why you want to try something different, go someplace new, or even create new experiences.
It’s a feeling, it’s a moment. It’s ongoing, because we’re all foreign people in a foreign land.
Cover/featured image via Giphy (original source taken down)
It’s a known fact that hard things are hard. When faced with difficulty, it seems as though we try to forget it exists and harbour negative feelings in our heads. Just letting those thoughts permeate through whatever we are doing or trying to do. Failure becomes not an obstacle, but an absolute.
Despite setbacks, I think you owe yourself a round of applause. Go ahead, clap for yourself. I’ll wait.
Don’t forget that when you downplay the things you could not do, you diminish what you can do.
I’m not sure of your role or job, but you don’t have to let yourself feel as though you need to do it all. Yes, that is what most people say these days especially those that advocate for more mindful thinking or more productivity with less stress. Being productive means different things for different people. Maybe you, the person hoping to find some quiet inspiration reading this today, need to adjust your productivity levels. At least, find a way to know what is productive for you and why.
These are not just the small things. These are all bigger actors playing the role of motivator in your life. The actions you take make you an asset, good or bad. The values you seek make you honest or fair. Maybe you’re still seeking out what makes you valuable, however those that admire and think you are worth it will tell you otherwise. I will tell you otherwise and I don’t even know you.
So keep going. Remember to keep thinking of why and what your why is in regards to your life. It’s not always personal, but usually it is.
Cover/featured image source via Giphy
There are good people and there are bad people. There are occasionally those that are in-between, however they are usually on the verge of going in either direction.
I like to imagine people with their flaws as part of them, not aside from them. Understanding humans complexly is a rare thing for an ordinary person to decipher, however this does not mean one cannot try.
The problem is that every person is different. Or maybe this is a great challenge or triumph. Why would anyone want to be the same anyway? might be what most people think, including you reading this. The fact of the matter is that people want to be lifted up, to be able to understand what makes others around them tick, grow weak, cry or feel pain. You might think you know those around you best, however it is those around us that we can sometimes know the least.
Personal life vs. private life are not same when it comes to conversing with an ordinary person we do not know well. We might share details such as “I like to ride bikes, go for runs, and draw in my free time.” A person could also say “I enjoy eating, shopping, sleeping, or spending time with family and friends.” What about those cracks though? Will you ever know that Karen from work is struggling in her marriage? No, you might not not even if you were her neighbor. Will you ever know that someone lives on a friend’s house and has been for several months or that your an achieving young girl or boy accepted into Ivy League schools is going through a deep depression and feels like ending it. Lastly, you might never know how your parents really feel about each other and whether they are happy with their lives.
So be a good person if you have to be something. Be a person that knows that pushing themselves is not always going to lead to anything substantial. At times, stress melts away any productivity you might have been aiming for.
Be well, stay well. Reach for a helping hand. Yes, the hands are ready to pull you in tight.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Life is uneventful, until it is. When it appears that you are “busy” and engaged, then you forget to take time for yourself. Forget about the small things like reading a great book. Forget about how lost you are.
It’s probably in times of great heartache that we feel the need to collapse. To regain footing as it were. However, one can be sure of what they want when faced with two decisions: Do something or do nothing. For most people, the decision falls into the latter. Perhaps it’s the reminder of not having to stress about things in the past. What’s happened has happened. There is no getting around this fact.
It’s probably a great sacrifice to dedicate time to oneself. It’s a stretch to imagine that others around one would be interested in taking part in this clean mind activity as well. Because it is a cleaning of the mind that can have effective results. What are those results? Probably different depending on who is asked.
It’s probably a great time to take five. Take a break. Sleep, meditate, and walk. It’s not as though others will be joining in at this part. Hard work is usually a solo affair and the moments following this need to be solo as well.
Take time for yourself. Take time to breathe and know you are doing just fine.
You’re writing this feeling so tired because its 6 AM and yet another long day await you.
I’m going to give you a heads-up though and let you know that the feeling of despair might not last all day or all night. They will still be there, inevitably waiting for you to make a small mistake.
Here are five things you can do today instead of bringing yourself down:
- Do what you keep saying you’re going to do. What’s the point in trying new things if you’re too afraid to try them?
- Start a new club. Kind of goes along with the first one, but it’s what you wanted to do this year. Is it happening, yet?
- Go out somewhere every day. Even just to the grocery store is fine. The kind of quiet online work that you do leads to an even more quiet life, but there is still a world out there. Get some air every now and then.
- Share things with your family. You’re not great at this, instead of telling your family big plans as they occur. They can only help if you let them and if you are willing.
- Write down those daily achievements. Every little bit counts towards the end goal (whatever that may be, since it changes every day it would seem).
Also, do yoga every day. Work on your poses. Try to keep working on those splits. Read every day. Write when you can. Meditate. Relax.