There are good people and there are bad people. There are occasionally those that are in-between, however they are usually on the verge of going in either direction.
I like to imagine people with their flaws as part of them, not aside from them. Understanding humans complexly is a rare thing for an ordinary person to decipher, however this does not mean one cannot try.
The problem is that every person is different. Or maybe this is a great challenge or triumph. Why would anyone want to be the same anyway? might be what most people think, including you reading this. The fact of the matter is that people want to be lifted up, to be able to understand what makes others around them tick, grow weak, cry or feel pain. You might think you know those around you best, however it is those around us that we can sometimes know the least.
Personal life vs. private life are not same when it comes to conversing with an ordinary person we do not know well. We might share details such as “I like to ride bikes, go for runs, and draw in my free time.” A person could also say “I enjoy eating, shopping, sleeping, or spending time with family and friends.” What about those cracks though? Will you ever know that Karen from work is struggling in her marriage? No, you might not not even if you were her neighbor. Will you ever know that someone lives on a friend’s house and has been for several months or that your an achieving young girl or boy accepted into Ivy League schools is going through a deep depression and feels like ending it. Lastly, you might never know how your parents really feel about each other and whether they are happy with their lives.
So be a good person if you have to be something. Be a person that knows that pushing themselves is not always going to lead to anything substantial. At times, stress melts away any productivity you might have been aiming for.
Be well, stay well. Reach for a helping hand. Yes, the hands are ready to pull you in tight.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
If there’s one thing I know it’s that a great support system will take you far. I know that not all people might have actual people like this in their lives, but an online group of like-minded people or at least approachable and encouraging folks could be found as well.
No one really knows what they’re looking for. Seeking and seeking all the time is what endless amounts of writers claim to do. Maybe this one too, however this writer is conscious of the end goal. To be truly honest and raw with oneself is a trait that more people might be opening towards, however it is still difficult to practice the words “look at yourself in the mirror and tell me who you see.” Often what is seen is not the person that wants to be standing there. It’s a hard truth to come to terms with, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
You are great. You are already well on your way to achieving your goals, even if you don’t think so. Instead of writing them down, do some of them. Try to do the things that make you stop and think more often than not. Reflection is powerful force. All the tools you could ever need are inside your head and your heart.
Life is uneventful, until it is. When it appears that you are “busy” and engaged, then you forget to take time for yourself. Forget about the small things like reading a great book. Forget about how lost you are.
It’s probably in times of great heartache that we feel the need to collapse. To regain footing as it were. However, one can be sure of what they want when faced with two decisions: Do something or do nothing. For most people, the decision falls into the latter. Perhaps it’s the reminder of not having to stress about things in the past. What’s happened has happened. There is no getting around this fact.
It’s probably a great sacrifice to dedicate time to oneself. It’s a stretch to imagine that others around one would be interested in taking part in this clean mind activity as well. Because it is a cleaning of the mind that can have effective results. What are those results? Probably different depending on who is asked.
It’s probably a great time to take five. Take a break. Sleep, meditate, and walk. It’s not as though others will be joining in at this part. Hard work is usually a solo affair and the moments following this need to be solo as well.
Take time for yourself. Take time to breathe and know you are doing just fine.
It would appear as though the month of January would like to rear its head and leave.
It would appear as though something is going to happen soon, something monumental. Maybe it’s just on the brink or maybe its leading me to wonder what the brink even is.
Quite possibly it is leading me to want to find out more about the “thing.” The great and powerful “thing” that will be coming to a year near me soon. Not sure when, as the “thing” doesn’t always announce itself but fear should be minimized as it will pop up eventually. Or, probably the opposite since it is an unknown as to what the “thing” is. So fear it, love it, or hate it. It will occur in some form.
It would appear that the “thing” then doesn’t really matter. At least I would still have my sanity, my humanity and some trace of my dignity.
Wait, though. It would appear as though no one actually cares about things such as dignity and class anymore. They should. People are not robots as much as they would like to be.
It would appear then that things are happening. Good things or bad things? It’s not for me to say.
I’m feeling rather out of sorts lately. I have been neglecting a good workout. My body is craving a great workout right now and I can hear the muscles crying, but I just feel like there’s not enough time anymore. Of course, I don’t want it to be this way, that’s definitely not the way that I want to feel.
I know why I am not giving myself enough time these days. It’s mostly because I’m doing too many things (mostly before the sun rises) and doing my very best to be as productive as possible every day. I also am not super well rested because of this, but yoga does help with sleep a bit.
I know I’m part of a society that essentially thrives on work and work and work and work and then more work. Or, maybe “thrive” is not the right word because most people struggle with something. I hate the feeling of being in a struggle, but I’ve always felt to be “in a struggle” job-wise all through my twenties. The feelings never really went away. It’s now that I am realizing that they never will and I am not great at action, so struggle inevitably occurs anyway. There’s no need for it though, for anyone.
I think as a society we also take naps for granted. Some of us love to nap, others feel like it must be scheduled (though there are those times when you find yourself fall into a heap without any warning). Naps are great ways to build energy if it’s more mid-afternoon. However, I won’t judge you if you need to sleep after this in more of the late afternoon, stretching into evening territory.
A good sleep schedule is everything, yes. However, so is the ability to feel like you are doing something worth your time. So, you’re feeling so tired right? Just so so tired. Well, that’s ok because from what I heard life is pretty tiring you just learn how to manage yourself with new goals.
You’ll get there. I will get there too.
It’s not like it particularly matters, but I’ve gotten to the point where I’m not sure what to do next. I’m not content where I am, I’m not quite happy with how things have turned out for me. Maybe I have no one to blame but myself or quite possibly, my situation has everything to do with how I feel currently. Moods can also play a factor in how far you might be willing to go.
2018 was a year of great heartbreaks for me. Mostly one after the other. It led me to a place of deep despair in which I again wondered about my value and why I even keep trying. There might be others that will say things like well “you just have to keep trying” or “don’t give up.” These are easy expressions that roll off the tongue. I’ve even told this to students, almost as a means of encouragement. This is what anyone wants–to be appreciated and for their thoughts to be valid. I’ve felt a disconnect with my family and parents lately like I am in a place that I don’t belong. A place that I don’t know how to get out of. It could be that attitudes are different and shifting constantly, but it could also be that we are not alike either.
So maybe it’s the cold making me feel like the world is out to get me. Or maybe its the realization that I can’t really have a normal life like most people have, I must struggle like the best of them.
Could be a good clean slate. I hope I can make something useful of myself soon.
Could be a bumpy ride.
It would seem that the world is on the brink of something again. Or maybe it always was and I just decided not to pay attention. Whichever way you look at it, from any angle, there is something turning. A quarter or two might have fallen into the age-old pot of desires and dreams that you think you have.
You don’t need to resolve to do anything if you can’t resolve why you got out of bed today. The simple things are the easy things that take time to do in everyday life. The things taken for granted which you don’t always think about, but matter so much.
So, ok maybe you don’t make goals. You wonder, though how to better yourself. How to be a better “version” of yourself, as people like to say. How, then to go about adjusting the sails on your thought boat?
Think of it this way: New hopes are not structured like goals might be, making them a bit hazier. So you have new hopes. You have low hopes and you have high hopes, but none of those hope-y things are really goals (at least, not in your mind).
So it’s likely that you’ll keep hoping and you’ll keep wondering your next step. It’s not something you or I will admit but we have a failure of being brave.
As I watched the Disney film Brave today, I was reminded that it takes courage to say what you want to do and mean it. It takes determination to want to do and be someone different. It might mean stepping outside of your comfort bubble, but when you do you will be more steadfast in your maybe goals for the future. Aren’t Disney movies great? I’m feeling exuberant about nothing and everything.
So, be hopeful. Be watchful. The world is waiting.