It’s not like it particularly matters, but I’ve gotten to the point where I’m not sure what to do next. I’m not content where I am, I’m not quite happy with how things have turned out for me. Maybe I have no one to blame but myself or quite possibly, my situation has everything to do with how I feel currently. Moods can also play a factor in how far you might be willing to go.
2018 was a year of great heartbreaks for me. Mostly one after the other. It led me to a place of deep despair in which I again wondered about my value and why I even keep trying. There might be others that will say things like well “you just have to keep trying” or “don’t give up.” These are easy expressions that roll off the tongue. I’ve even told this to students, almost as a means of encouragement. This is what anyone wants–to be appreciated and for their thoughts to be valid. I’ve felt a disconnect with my family and parents lately like I am in a place that I don’t belong. A place that I don’t know how to get out of. It could be that attitudes are different and shifting constantly, but it could also be that we are not alike either.
So maybe it’s the cold making me feel like the world is out to get me. Or maybe its the realization that I can’t really have a normal life like most people have, I must struggle like the best of them.
Could be a good clean slate. I hope I can make something useful of myself soon.
It would seem that the world is on the brink of something again. Or maybe it always was and I just decided not to pay attention. Whichever way you look at it, from any angle, there is something turning. A quarter or two might have fallen into the age-old pot of desires and dreams that you think you have.
You don’t need to resolve to do anything if you can’t resolve why you got out of bed today. The simple things are the easy things that take time to do in everyday life. The things taken for granted which you don’t always think about, but matter so much.
So, ok maybe you don’t make goals. You wonder, though how to better yourself. How to be a better “version” of yourself, as people like to say. How, then to go about adjusting the sails on your thought boat?
Think of it this way: New hopes are not structured like goals might be, making them a bit hazier. So you have new hopes. You have low hopes and you have high hopes, but none of those hope-y things are really goals (at least, not in your mind).
So it’s likely that you’ll keep hoping and you’ll keep wondering your next step. It’s not something you or I will admit but we have a failure of being brave.
As I watched the Disney film Brave today, I was reminded that it takes courage to say what you want to do and mean it. It takes determination to want to do and be someone different. It might mean stepping outside of your comfort bubble, but when you do you will be more steadfast in your maybe goals for the future. Aren’t Disney movies great? I’m feeling exuberant about nothing and everything.
So, be hopeful. Be watchful. The world is waiting.
Maybe someone once told you that you can’t do something and now it’s making you feel like more than a failure than usual. Someone might have told you “if this can’t work next month, then goodbye” or “hope it all works out for you.” These are only examples of things that will bring your self-esteem more down than you need it to be.
To get that self-esteem back, the best thing to remember is that you can’t live up to any expectations others set. You are your own person and you have your own goals. Achieve them on your own time and level. It’s best to think about it this way: Your success does not denote you to the same achievements as others, because those goals are not always what you really want.
What you really want then is to carve out a kind of goal that makes you feel fulfilled. Makes you wonder how you got so lucky at that thing called life. You didn’t, luck is not part of the deal it’s all chance and hard work (unless you don’t play by the rules).
You will get pushed aside and disregarded. It’s part of the goal to get you to a happier place and despite your best efforts, you will still not get where you need to be and what you want without a little pushback. The key is to not let those negative pushes turn into drawbacks for you. Keep striving and keep fighting.
The biggest battle to fight is that which is within yourself. You might not ever overcome it, or pull back from it in pieces and shards only. This is fine, as long as it makes you remember to stay on the path and push forward. Mistakes are just that: Mistakes. They are not an error on you or your character, think differently about your past choices this way.
I was recently reminded that not everything is easy. Just because you might have had one great, but ultimately unfulfilling experience that looks great on a resume doesn’t mean that you will have success with your next endeavors. In all probability, you will fail and fail terribly. It might take some time to come to the realization that what others around you already know: Success must be earned and takes time.
Being someone that for some reason wants to teach, it’s not easy to step into the field. In a time when everyone is cynical and few actually appreciate teachers, being able to do the job right is a strength that many lack. This includes me. I hope that over time, I will be able to look back on the students I have worked with and feel proud to have been in their life. I already have some students who I know I am influencing directly in a positive way. I know that every student is different and not everyone learns the same either. I know that managing a classroom is the hardest part of teaching and I haven’t really mastered it yet. I know where my strengths lie and know ways to make my weaknesses better, however, I do admit to having limits as well. As do most people. I’m certainly no expert in the education field, but working and helping with others is what I know I will continue to do in some form all my life.
Maybe I’m not passionate enough. Maybe I’m not strong enough. These are all things we might tell ourselves in order to remind us that it’s ok to fail, at least this once. Maybe the rejections hurt in the moment, but they don’t really define who we are. I know that I can’t let any bad decisions or rejections turn me upside down. I will instead focus on what I can do and why I want to do the things I do.
The truth is, it might take 30 job rejections to realize you don’t know if you want what you’re seeking. However, at 10 more rejections, you know that you can do what you set your mind to and it doesn’t matter what others might think of you. You can reach your highest potential and achieve great success within yourself.
It’s likely that this year you have faced some failures. Some mishaps. Found yourself on a path that you’re not entirely proud of, but you are hoping for the best at this point. You are pretty certain that you are doing ok, but not sure what steps to take next to be great. The struggle comes from the realization that you are and probably always will be a failure in some way.
In the same vein though, you are the exact opposite of that. You are thriving and growing each and every day. Yay you! Alright, so let’s say it’s five years from now, you have achieved what you wanted and satisfaction is oh so sweet. You’re feeling not just happy, but pure contentment in your life and choices. Something is nagging at you though and it is the need to create. As humans we will always want to create something, it doesn’t matter your personality type (introverted or extroverted). However, creativity can lead to different happiness levels. Maybe your feelings on a certain subject or idea will change. Maybe you will hate everything about what your life has become up to that point. Maybe you wonder if you are not actually putting your time to good use. After all, creativity is everywhere and not everyone has to be a part of that. You can buy creativity but would it mean anything to you, would it have any value?
Let me say this then. You’re a teacher. You’re a writer. You’re a U/X designer. You’re an IT professional. You’re a babysitter. You’re a grocery-store clerk. You’re a bookseller. You’re a librarian. You’re a barista. You are creative, but you a part of a generation that doesn’t value you. You’re part of a society that values things that are more practical because they make more sense for future generations. Things like STEM technology, e-commerce and trade, finance and banking, law, and medicine are jobs the world needs more than a teacher or writer. The things that you want to do may not lead you down an easy road to success. You definitely won’t get to where to want to be that quickly. You need the drive and patience to not give up.
Success will never be easy if you’re a teacher. You won’t be making much. You will be overworked. You might have to work two other jobs, at least. You will have to take care of other personal projects as they come. You have to fight your own battles out there you creative soul.
Success may make or break you. I hope that it will make you stronger, but it could very well be very hard to achieve and that alone could break you until you are a shattered mess. Hold strong and remember that success is not a shot in the dark but a glowing bright light in a room full of shadows.
You got this. I got this. We all got this.
(cover/featured image via Pexels photo gallery through WordPress).
We all have things that we might have lost. Or people we have lost. The moments we lost are somewhere in our brain, the good ones embedded there forever.
In a way, it can take guts to admit to being afraid. To admit to losing someone or something. It’s not easy to say you might not be as daring as you had hoped. It’s ok, being human is not always easy.
It’s so comforting to assume a likeminded presence around those that you know best. You are your most genuine self around the people you trust the most. When that’s taken away, you might feel empty or afraid. Nervous or anxious. Possibly worried about your next step, but pushing through because that is just what you do. Self-doubt continues to creep into your mind as you feel a need to be alone and seek some type of internal solace for your choices. The fear of rejection keeps you on the edge, but the greater fear is knowing you will have to do it alone. Don’t we face all obstacles in life alone, anyway?
You’re never really alone though. Someone will try to support you, but not everyone will understand or want to understand your goals. Everyone on this Earth has their own life to live and their own secrets that the ones closest to them will probably never know. It’s not introversion, it’s people choosing to plan their own lives because they’re taking responsibility for their own lives. You can do the same, I know I can.
Be honest with what you want and you will be happy to know that you will get it (whatever you seek) eventually, with time and patience.
All the best.
(Featured Image from Pexels Photo Gallery via WordPress).
It’s a rare thing to find someone to love forever. You will not love yourself forever, how can one expect to love another?
If you were recently married then you might be currently thinking the opposite, but love is probably one of those things that change with the wind. It might always be there, but it will continue to adapt and assimilate into new forms. Maybe you’ll stop loving that part of them that you thought you loved. Maybe you believed that a stronger bond would heal everything that needed healing. Maybe it worked for you, but maybe it didn’t either. It’s also quite possible that you are waiting for something or someone to come your way and provide you with the answers you want to hear. You might never get those answers or the person you want, but you might be alright with that. Or maybe you just settle for what you get.
There’s a weakness in all of us just waiting to be pushed out. It’s just a glimmer in the highlight of your accomplishments (you will get some great ones, don’t worry). It takes a strong and courageous person to say “I can do it” and actually mean it. To not fall through because it got too hard or unexpectedly risky. Uncharted waters can lead to the greatest discoveries. You’ll never know if you keep wondering instead of acting on what you feel (nothing criminal, mind you).
So maybe you have a good feeling that today will be a good day. And maybe it will, what do I know? However, it could also be a day in which you feel like turning into a heap without any warning. Without any reason, because there doesn’t always need to be one.
Live your best life. Feel inspired by your past mistakes as a reason to stop settling and start choosing greatness. You can be great and you can certainly be happy. It’s not just a state of mind, it’s also a feeling.