Automatic

I’m thinking lately about what it means to be a good person.

Am I a good person?

Is anyone really a good person?

****

The feeling you get when you realize you might be doing something bad washes over you in waves. The tide of judgement comes rolling in whenever this happens and you look down on yourself once again.

You say you’re a person with morals, with boundaries but you don’t always know what those are. You know what it means to have these things, but not necessarily what it means to have these things taken away from you. The promise of shelter and love is almost a given, that you forget it exists.

You pull out the weapon. It’s shiny and new, it’s easy to buy these days just head to the local shop. It stares at you in the face, your reflection just barely glinting through. It would seem as though you might have made a mistake about what you want. About what you need. You don’t know right away that the sirens are for you, but you listen and you know. And you cry and you nod.

Get help, seek help. Remember that you’re not alone is the main advice I would give to anyone searching in their hearts for why they need to live such a routine life.

But wait. Then you remember. Not everyone has these same luxuries, has these same thoughts flooding through their head. Not everyone feels as though they will always have support in anything they choose to do.

The feeling of knowing what you need to know and do is not always apparent. It’s sometimes hidden away, waiting for you to do what is right.

So do you know what is right for you to do?

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