So you know how they say how one door opens and another opens, well I think that only applies if you know what the heck you’re aiming for. Take failing for instance. Did you fail for a reason or was it just a push in the wrong direction? Further down a path you don’t want to take? It’s hard to say, but don’t tell me that you’ve never made a stupid mistake and know that no matter how small it is its one of those things you will regret for years to come.
I don’t have a lot of high hopes right now for securing a good job right now. My prospects are looking dim, so I already know I have to give that school thing another whirl. The question, though comes down to when. And where. And what program. Much, like many other posts I’ve written, I’ll say that writing can get me places if I put in the effort. If I had better training maybe. If I knew what I was doing with my goals.
What ideas do I have in regards to this year? Or even this month? Maybe ask me in another week and I’ll have an answer for you, but probably not. I have some ideas of what I’d like to do, but taking that initiative and next step will be what is needed to get me to do what I need to do. Do I not work hard enough? I have no idea what I’m doing or what I’m saying with this post but I’m trying. Trying whatever at this point.
I have the multimedia skills (meaning some video experience) to allow me to find some freelance work. Again, my creative self just wants to do some projects of a multimedia nature on something. Or someone. I’m making lists. Turning those goals into lists. Creating positive things.
I want to say a lot more, but I’ll just basically say that I look back on the last few months with a deep sadness. I go onto social media, unsure of how to tell my classmates/cohorts. We became good friends and while I did tell them I might not return in Jan. It was still pretty hard to believe. I guess I seem like a hard worker from the outset, that no one would guess me to be someone who would fail.
In other all this free time (I feel like I always have so much free time,
a part of me loves of and a part of me wishes I had something like a job). I’ve found myself listening to more podcasts. Reading more op-eds and news pieces, but that’s nothing out of the ordinary. In particular, the podcast Serial has really hooked me in. I have one episode left and when I’m done I’ll probably write a post about it here or on my tumblr. I’m back to books and my book blog, thinking of maybe taking in one step further with audio and video elements. I realize that to be better I need to sell myself and my interests probably speak for themselves.
So, I’m a sitting failure but there’s still that creative spark left in me.