changes · goals · media · writing

Caricature of Myself

my closet door, scattered with magazine clippings and a poster. This is me.
my closet door, scattered with magazine clippings and a poster. This is me.

It’s January. What a dreadful month. Like, really. It’s snowy, rainy, foggy all at once. Not really all that sunny, probably because you’re trying to figure what to do with the year in front of you. For me, that means a final yes to schools that I got into (yeah, you would think that I had already said yes but no, but it got confusing. Alright I was confused and deferred. Then changed my mind, then whatever. But, yeah). Anyway, my mother is downstairs talking about me to my cousins and that’s awkward so I’m just going to feel sad and blog about it. I seriously need to take another hard look at my life and think about it some more.

Like where do I want to end up? New York? Chicago? Indianapolis? Minneapolis? Canada? Florida? Any, really. Wherever the job is. But, I think I’ll stay around here for the moment, but not long term because I just can’t. I can’t stay another empty year in this boring town.

In other words, I’m trying to get an internship. I want to go somewhere else. Last March I went to Italy, but I have nothing in the works for this year. It would be difficult to decide on something so short, but spontaneity runs in my family so I think I’ll be alright. Mostly, I think I’ll still be blogging, writing, and trying to not cry when I realize the world of media is not the best sometimes. But, I haven’t forgotten that I want to teach as well. I’ve started an application for Teach for America and the January deadline is quickly approaching, but I feel conflicted. What if I do end up going to school. It’s sort of up in the air.

I have to think about what I like as well. I like writing and thinking about the news, but more specifically local and some national news. I’ve written some international news, but not enough to feel ready to write on it on a daily basis. I thought about creating a blog with more focused content and that just might be what I do, at least for the month. Still working around trying to find what to do, but I’ve different things I could do. The problem you see, is that we all have limits. We don’t always want to push those limits. Sometimes, we’re afraid of pushing those limits. We don’t know the person that we could be if we only tried. So, I need to get in the freelance game again and work on my pitching (which is also an art, really) because its something. That sounds pathetic, doesn’t it. I’m not really that way, I just need it. I need to be writing, but I’m not always writing. The content needs to be interesting and the platform needs to be something I am both comfortable and familiar with.

Still a mess? Maybe, but it is only January after all.

As far as new years goes, maybe this year will not be any different but maybe it will. Who is to say? As far as I can tell, the future is wide open (ignoring this month and next month because I’m still just writing and in this boring town :/)

Be you, it’s the only you you can be.


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