life · self-actualization

On writing, life, heaven, and the need to succeed

I realize I haven’t written a post for awhile, deciding to change that today. So, I’ve been doing my best the past four weeks to write a novel in a month. I meant the keep a blog of that progress, but I just didn’t. I just wrote whenever. In the beginning, I had more of a schedule to write but as the days and weeks went on it slowly just became “write as much as you can, whenever you can.” I don’t know why it was like this completely, but it gets me back into a thinking mode sometimes when I stop. I have been reading a lot too, even though some said not to read but whatever. But reading and writing is what I do. I don’t know anything else.

I want to get out of this place.

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500 Days of Summer/Fox Searchlight

This place is literally where nothing happens, but somehow I’m still stuck here. I don’t know why I’m still here when most people have left (in case you’re wondering I live in a small town). Somehow I’m still happy. I’m still ok with my situation and I’m working to make it better. Writing is not an easy thing to do. In fact, I gave five reasons why it’s horrible here. But, that’s not the point. The point is that I chose to do something in which I would be writing. It’s what I love. There are few authors out there who write books just for the money. Sure, who doesn’t want the money and fame (some, maybe that are humble) because the life of a writer is anything but glamorous. As I’m sitting here thinking about how much life kinda sucks and how much I just wish it would get better, I realize it doesn’t have to be this way. It never does. Life is never as hard as we make it out to be. Life is hard, but it’s never as hard as we usually think.

Those that people is a higher power want to do something great. Maybe they have a bucket list. Now, I’m not really one to make just a bucket list but I just make lists in general. Of places. Things to do. People to meet. Foods to try. But, we can also just spend all our time online bookmarking all those places and things and never do anything because we wave it off just saying we have “no time.” I say we all have the time in the world. I have more time than ever. I’m not doing anything right now. I’m just wasting time writing a blog post that probably no one will read except me and a few others.

I think my happiness level depends on who I’m with. I recently went to an awesome concert with my sisters. It was beyond awesome. It made me step back out of real problems and be like, “does that matter though? Right now, no.” It’s a good feeling to know that you can be content if you know what you want, but in the same way you can be just as content not knowing what you want at all (this is not true for everyone).

Those who spend so much time online don’t want to end up forever alone. I sure don’t, but whether I’m ready for a steady life relationship is another question.

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This time last year, with everyone around me getting married I would have been like “yeah, you know what it’s time. I need to be married, sure.” Now? I have a path and I am trying to stay on it, though I know it’s alright to stay off the path sometimes (life even requires it sometimes).
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Lastly, I’m not worried about tomorrow right now. But, I probably will be soon enough. It’s called contentment. It’s called not wanting to die, being able to be happy in your own skin with people that make you happy. It’s a good feeling. Heaven and Earth they exist when you exist, only then. Whatever you believe, you can find your heaven if you know what you’re looking for. Heck, stop looking it will come to you (if not, give yourself a playful shove in the right direction). I’m glad nothing has to be as complicated as real life.

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Chelsea Handler/Chelsea Lately

When life brings you down remember to smile and look up.

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This is a little long. Hold on, let me add in some gifs.

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10 Things I Hate About You/Touchstone Pictures

side note: I got my spotify working again.


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