Here’s me, sitting and waiting. No definite direction, but expecting the worst and waiting for the tidal waves to take me to shore. I honestly don’t know what else to say; life is a long and winding path and I’m still driving on it.
I haven’t written a blog post in a while, but I decided that yeah I should get on that. I’ve been working up the nerve to try and put my name somewhere, send in forms/apps for jobs or volunteering (yeah, that’s what it’s come to). But, as I look back on the year it really feels like a waste. Sure, in March I went to Italy. But, that really feels like that’s about it. The summer was cool, I suppose. No jobs. No internships. No school right now. Not even any classes (which I sorta regret not doing, at least for a semester ;( ) But it’s all said and done now and I’m going to try to keep writing. Hey, I’m hoping to do nanowrimo this year. First year ever, so I’ll see how that goes. I’m mostly hoping for some kind of miracle at this point. I hate where I am.
Some might say this is like some type of quarter-life crisis, but I really hope I figure it all out soon. Or at least partially figure it out. It’s sad that my parents (mostly my father) don’t seem to understand that I really don’t want to be where I am. At home. I am the most boring person I know. Just thinking about it makes me sad, until I think of others who got it worse. Essentially what I do every day is wake up, eat something, read something, social media, try to write, fail at that, eat something, workout, read, then sleep eventually. It usually just comes down to waking up, trying to workout, reading and sleeping. Sometimes I go out, sometimes I don’t. I get excited when I do. I have no friends (yeah, thinking about getting back on that facebook…) and the more time I spend around my house the more I am reminded how worthless I am. Yeah, pathetic me is pathetic. Sorry to be boring you, but I have no idea what I’m doing right now. At this moment I’m writing this with youtube opened in another tab playing a random song. I hate people who complain about their jobs and how hard it is (it might be, depending on what you do). But, I feel like people just like to pour it all out. And I’m the mug to pour the problems in. Because you see, I don’t like to take sides. I’m neutral and this can be a problem.
I want to write. I want to help someone. I want to get out of here. Not much of a great challenge, but when you’re me every day is a challenge just to survive and just.. be.