life · self-actualization

Is this it?

Alright, I have just about had it. I am doing what I can and while I know I am not the only one, I still hate it. My little sister even has a job, part-time at the movie theater, but where I live that’s even a small victory. Of course, I want something which I can do and will love. Is is too much to think too hard about what will be? I thought so.

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This is a bit of a rant. It’s not really hopelessness, but it’s more like “why?” I seriously am beginning to doubt my worth. It’s nothing. No point. I am a pointless dot who lives on Earth. Alright, sorry a little too dramatic there. But millennials want more. I know they do. They are not all lazy and they are not all just sitting around waiting (though, yes the majority of us are). Sometimes we want to curl up into a corner and pretend that none of this exists.

Without some people, I would be pretty alone. More alone that I already am. I hate sometimes how social media can squeeze us into tight connections that don’t always have meaning. Or we feel the need to create those bonds, because we have nothing else. Really, though. It’s branding. We all want to brand an image for ourselves, we just are not sure entirely of how to do that. Mostly for the reason that we really have no “brand.” I’m just me and it’s hard to say anything else besides.

Consistency is needed to promote yourself online. This is a pain too, but you either enjoy it or you love it. But at the same time you also are thinking “what is the point of this again?” Oh right, I need a brand so I can promote myself to others, in a professional way (some people have two brands: One that is professional and one that is casual. I don’t really recommend this, it makes a person come off as fake but unfortunately we must separate the two and conform so therefore we all do it). Then this brand(s) will help me get an interview, then a job offer, then rejection. Then another job offer, and acceptance into a great company with full benefits and health coverage. Something we all struggle to find in a job these days. Alright, so the last one there is mostly a dream for people. It doesn’t happen. Does that make me sad? Yes and no. I am a part of a generation that really tries hard not to be too bothered by perfection and dreams. They don’t always amount to what we think they will anyway.

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The real struggle then: Hoping all this will pan out. You know how people say that “hope” can really get you through some hard times, with some wearing those trendy “faith”, “hope” or “love” bracelets. Those things are just made of money to make us feel better. Mission accomplished for that, but not for our mind. That will forever be wondering “what should I do?”

I hope for now at least that these panic-stricken moments, where I stay up all night restless with a headache thinking of scenarios, will one day slowly subside and I will find peace in having employment at a place that is respectable and far away from here.

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