I can’t give in to the feeling that this is all for nothing. I’m trying my best, but sometimes one does feel as though the best is not enough.
Sometimes, I don’t know what to do. I’m happy on some days, then sad and confused another. Not sure what to make of anything really anymore. I just want answers and I just don’t want to be alone. I want to do something worthwhile, though I know I’ve been saying that for awhile now. But, I really mean it. I don’t (can’t) end up being some loser who just sits at home writing online. That is me and no, I recognize that doesn’t make me loser because there are plenty of people who do that. But, I want to try something different too. Build my resume in new ways. I don’t know how to explain it, but I just want something new and fresh. The decisions and thoughts in my head are turning to mush.
This is what I’m currently thinking when I feel the need to give up, knowing it can’t be how I might envision it to be:
So, I suppose that makes me lower my expectations of the future a bit. For, the most part though I am trying. I am doing something by trying.
I get migraines thinking too much, but writing helps me get focused on what I need to do.
So, I smile knowing that I can’t do everything and laugh realizing that I am not going to be a millionaire or win any lottery. I also keep being me, because that’s all I know how to be.
It also helps to know that people are looking out for you and have not given up on you. So if I keep believing, you can too.
“Here we go back, this is the moment. Tonight is the night we’ll fight till it’s over.”
(all gifs from tumblr, lyrics from Mackelmore’s song “Can’t Hold Us.” All images belong to their respective owners.)