Well, its another week and here I am. Still doing the best I can wondering if the best is not always good enough. What more can I do though? I am trying, but I know that its going to take a lot more work to get to where I want to be.
Today, I realized upon a discussion with my father that I really have it easy. I have it easy compared to so many others like me. This is something I already knew, but it just became more apparent. It’s something that I tell myself is just the start of something big. Sorry, that did not make any sense, but oh well. Whenever I write these posts, it reminds me of how much I love to write. This is really what I do. I’m a fool to tell anyone that I’d be doing anything else with my life, because this is where my love lies. Sure, I want to inspire others and help others too. Maybe, I’ll teach or maybe I’ll travel. It’s hard to say. I’m a writer. Thinking in solitude. Knowing that thinking is not always bad, but sometimes not everyone likes these qualities in a person. Susan Cain has showed me its best not to feel this way. (I’m not even finished with the book, but I already love it). I have learned so much over the years, but I always want to learn more. I want to give back too. I’m tired of not trying to make a difference and just wading out in the waters with nothing to say. Just trying to survive. Really, no one cares about that because honestly everyone is just trying to survive.
In the new year, I want to make something of myself. When I say make something of myself, I mean get a job. Meet new people. Form connections. Overall, just not be so boring. Of course, by boring-ness is probably what makes me unique. In that way, I guess everyone is weird in their own special way. I certainly think there is a long way to go towards trying to understand what we stand for and why. I think I’ll just keep writing until I try to figure that out.