life

Life is not always so simple

Life sometimes makes things harder than they need to be. When, if for example, you want to travel the world right now without any inhibitions (okay maybe a few) but at the same time you can’t. There is just so much to do. Now. And your future supposedly depends upon it. Sound stressful? Well that’s because it is. Now, I think I need I need to figure out a way out of this place. I’m pretty sure everyone says that, though. At some point or another, everyone just gives up though because everyone needs someplace where they can come back to. A place called home that they can cherish and love.

I am grateful for family and close friends. These days, I am thinking about giving back to my community. I’m talking about tutoring or helping out little kids in some way (mentoring perhaps?) Really, a little bit can go a long way. I know that right now I would not really call myself the highest of role models, but I have made it this far and I can help someone else through a tough patch. A small story about my life these days: Wake up, eat something, check email and social networks, read or browse the internet for something exciting, study, study, study, workout, write, read, watch tv online,  read, sleep, do it all over again. Of course, it’s not always in that order, but the point is that it gets boring. Since I graduated, I’m still waiting on my chance to shine (while at the same time knowing I have to work hard in order to get there). I wouldn’t call myself completely unemployed, as I write on various websites (ok, yes not all of them pay but its more writing to add to my resume and experience). I know its time to do something more. To take action and make sure that I am getting something out of my time out of school. I don’t plan to be out of school forever, but the thought of grad school makes my head hurt along with the prospects of a pretty bleak future. But, enough about that griping. I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got. Trying to hold back the tears and the sadness and doing my best to reach out to people when I need them. I am not alone. Funny moment the other day when my mom (with all her kindness) told me she “hates the world.” She finally realized that she can’t help everyone, but those that push away any help or her kindness don’t really know who she is to begin with. Small things like this remind me that I am not alone in not understanding the world.

Helping others is not necessarily going to solve all my problems. I’m also not trying to hide my own problems by reaching out to others, no I want to meet others. I am aware that I need to make some changes and those changes need to start within myself. I’m not ready to give up on myself quite yet.

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